Yesterday went well, I think, I definately did tear that bag of M&Ms up as soon as I was done blogging. And I will admit for dinner I had pizza, it was a hand tossed veggie variety so I could have done worse, the thing is at 9:00 when I get home I am tired and ravenous and that was the quickest thing I could get my hands on, I guess this is a process and I need to be more prepared on Tuesdays and Thursdays!
I have decided to make a promise. Tomorrow or tonight I will post some photos of me. If you haven't noticed I don't really post pictures. This is for a 2 reasons, 1 I always forget my camera and don't take any pictures of stuff I do, and 2 I really don't like pictures. I am a perfectionist and vain, vain, vain and unless I look like angelica jolie I don't want anyone to see me. I also think that as I'm losing weight, my waist is getting tiny my shoulders are thinner but still super broad and that fat is stuck on my butt and thighs like an ungreased casserole! But I am losing weight, I just don't feel hot, guess that may have something to do with all the twiggys walking around campus making me look like the jolly green giant.
my ticker
Hey just wondering, sometimes when I first start to eat something ( like two bites in) I get the chills and this is kind of a reoccurring thing, I was just wondering if anyone else has this. I think its funny and weird, I know its from the band, just wondered if it was common.
Big Update, I am taking 28 credit hours this quarter, so I have class literally all day (8 - 7:48 on tuedsays and thursdays) which has made it really hard for me to get a good routine going. I am not a morning person so I am always oversleeping and I can never go to sleep at 11 when I am supposed to so I live on about 6 hours of sleep everyday. I also have to work hard at being diligent about packing lunch, which is hard with the band because sandwiches ( the staple of any standard packed lunch) is not exactly band-friendly in my opinion. So help - if you can think of anything yummy to take for lunch shoot me some ideas because I am really sick of turkey wraps! And to be really honest I sometimes wait til last minute to make my lunch, run out of time and then am stuck with the fast food dilemma.
Food wise last week was a disaster! My little sugar bug infiltrated and I definitely let Shela have the better of me. Shela is my devil that sits in my ear tells me to eat that ice cream and chocolate, ect... and I did, I was weak. I haven't weighed myself for about a week because I am scurred, but I'm pretty sure I will still be at about 242. My excuse is its hard with my schedule and all my homework and working to deal with my diet and exercise. But that stops today.
Today was like most days, I was late, I scarfed down a shake for breakfast - and by the way for those of you who are anti-protein shakes you really should find a good one, if you have a super busy life like I do they come in handy when you're in a bind and need to eat, all you need is some water and almost every building in the word has a drinking fountain, it has saved me many a time when I was one foot out the door for something greasy and naughty.
Well anyway, I was late, I found some clothes and work out clothes - which by the way this is terrible, this is what I need to bring with me on a DAILY basis to have a well prepared day: regular clothes, boots, workout clothes, tennis shoes, body wash and such, a sponge, a towel, hair supplies, a hair dryer, makeup, bobby pins, my books, binders, and all things for school, my HUGE coffee cup that gets me through 11 AM, lunch, and two snacks! All that and I have to cart it around one of the biggest campuses in the US! So I get dressed and pack all my clothes and get a snack and leave - already late. I fight through Columbus traffic and make it only 10 minutes late to my first class. I am surprisingly keeping up with my classes so far ( Well thanks to MLK day), so that was ok. So after my first 2 classes I get a whole wheat wrap from the cafe (it was gross but I made myself eat a 4th of it) then I went and ran.
I am SO FRICKIN PROUD of myself, because today I went from walking 3 min with 1 min running intervals to walking 2 mins with 1 min intervals! This is so exciting for me, and since I did it I now have set a precedent for not 0nly doing that every time I run but achieving my running goals!
Well theres my rant, I'm eating a fruit cup now and debating on saving my M & Ms until later or to gobble them up now... I'll probably rip them open as soon as I am done with this. But I did good yesterday, I went to the movies and the whole time I was thinking about popcorn and those chocolate covered caramel things, I had a mental sit down with myself and explained how I had just ate and I will be fine without them and it worked, I though about them much like an addict thinks about crack, but I made it through and I feel so much better for it!
Big Update, I am taking 28 credit hours this quarter, so I have class literally all day (8 - 7:48 on tuedsays and thursdays) which has made it really hard for me to get a good routine going. I am not a morning person so I am always oversleeping and I can never go to sleep at 11 when I am supposed to so I live on about 6 hours of sleep everyday. I also have to work hard at being diligent about packing lunch, which is hard with the band because sandwiches ( the staple of any standard packed lunch) is not exactly band-friendly in my opinion. So help - if you can think of anything yummy to take for lunch shoot me some ideas because I am really sick of turkey wraps! And to be really honest I sometimes wait til last minute to make my lunch, run out of time and then am stuck with the fast food dilemma.
Food wise last week was a disaster! My little sugar bug infiltrated and I definitely let Shela have the better of me. Shela is my devil that sits in my ear tells me to eat that ice cream and chocolate, ect... and I did, I was weak. I haven't weighed myself for about a week because I am scurred, but I'm pretty sure I will still be at about 242. My excuse is its hard with my schedule and all my homework and working to deal with my diet and exercise. But that stops today.
Today was like most days, I was late, I scarfed down a shake for breakfast - and by the way for those of you who are anti-protein shakes you really should find a good one, if you have a super busy life like I do they come in handy when you're in a bind and need to eat, all you need is some water and almost every building in the word has a drinking fountain, it has saved me many a time when I was one foot out the door for something greasy and naughty.
Well anyway, I was late, I found some clothes and work out clothes - which by the way this is terrible, this is what I need to bring with me on a DAILY basis to have a well prepared day: regular clothes, boots, workout clothes, tennis shoes, body wash and such, a sponge, a towel, hair supplies, a hair dryer, makeup, bobby pins, my books, binders, and all things for school, my HUGE coffee cup that gets me through 11 AM, lunch, and two snacks! All that and I have to cart it around one of the biggest campuses in the US! So I get dressed and pack all my clothes and get a snack and leave - already late. I fight through Columbus traffic and make it only 10 minutes late to my first class. I am surprisingly keeping up with my classes so far ( Well thanks to MLK day), so that was ok. So after my first 2 classes I get a whole wheat wrap from the cafe (it was gross but I made myself eat a 4th of it) then I went and ran.
I am SO FRICKIN PROUD of myself, because today I went from walking 3 min with 1 min running intervals to walking 2 mins with 1 min intervals! This is so exciting for me, and since I did it I now have set a precedent for not 0nly doing that every time I run but achieving my running goals!
Well theres my rant, I'm eating a fruit cup now and debating on saving my M & Ms until later or to gobble them up now... I'll probably rip them open as soon as I am done with this. But I did good yesterday, I went to the movies and the whole time I was thinking about popcorn and those chocolate covered caramel things, I had a mental sit down with myself and explained how I had just ate and I will be fine without them and it worked, I though about them much like an addict thinks about crack, but I made it through and I feel so much better for it!
Do you ever feel like you have uncontrollable cravings that will just work at you for hours, this voice that will just gnaw at you until you find something chocolaty delicious and naughty? I have been getting these visits quite frequently lately and honestly its driving me bonkers. I think I will even name this voice Shela.
This is my day, I wake up run around at classes big break, have my very well planned out lunch of spaghetti squash with veggies, start eating and then ... I do not even finish eating when Shela decides she wants to play, you need something yummy and bad, that food you have is good, but don't cha want something better. So I Amuse her with a stroll through the goodies at the coffee shop in the building, M&Ms aren't so bad a choice, so to keep her at bay I pick one up and start eating those, next thing I know I have downed a whole bag in like a minute, and Shela is not satisfied ... So now that I am under Shela's trance I go down stairs to look for more candy at the vending machines and that damn things are broke. I'm FREAKING! I need some damn chocolate Shela won't shut up and I have no way of getting any, which is good but bad Oh Reese's I want you I need you ....
Is this not rediculous, I truly feel like a crack addict and if it wasn't for the fact that its 15 degrees and I hate the cold I would be walking to a store right now to satisfy this craving, I am not hungry and I know it but I what I am is way harder to satisfy. I can overcome alot of things but its this feeling right now that has always been my down fall when it comes to weight loss, I know I need to learn to ride out the cravings, but damn Shela is one strong force.
This is my day, I wake up run around at classes big break, have my very well planned out lunch of spaghetti squash with veggies, start eating and then ... I do not even finish eating when Shela decides she wants to play, you need something yummy and bad, that food you have is good, but don't cha want something better. So I Amuse her with a stroll through the goodies at the coffee shop in the building, M&Ms aren't so bad a choice, so to keep her at bay I pick one up and start eating those, next thing I know I have downed a whole bag in like a minute, and Shela is not satisfied ... So now that I am under Shela's trance I go down stairs to look for more candy at the vending machines and that damn things are broke. I'm FREAKING! I need some damn chocolate Shela won't shut up and I have no way of getting any, which is good but bad Oh Reese's I want you I need you ....
Is this not rediculous, I truly feel like a crack addict and if it wasn't for the fact that its 15 degrees and I hate the cold I would be walking to a store right now to satisfy this craving, I am not hungry and I know it but I what I am is way harder to satisfy. I can overcome alot of things but its this feeling right now that has always been my down fall when it comes to weight loss, I know I need to learn to ride out the cravings, but damn Shela is one strong force.
Hi all,
So I got a fill last Friday (the 18th not Christmas) and it has not settled with me well, At first all was fine, I did the liquids to soft foods and then I felt totally normal, a little bit more restricted, but that's what you get a fill for so I was happy and continuing with life. I went to my grandpas Christmas and could only eat about half a portion of fillet (which I knew was going to be hard I mean its steak) and a few nibble of potatoes and I was done, but all was well and normal. It was Christmas and I waited until after my fill ( and weigh in) to do any Christmas like activities, so we made Christmas cookies, lots and lots of them. And I nibbled on those for about three days and although I felt guilty that all I would eat is refined sugary goodness, I did not get stuck or have any problems.
But then ... I go home for Christmas and things go crazy. First of all my grandpa had surgery to unclog an artery so everyone was too busy to prepare a normal Christmas dinner, so we ordered Pizza which I was excited about even though I knew it was going to be a struggle, I just love Pizza and will try to nibble up some even if its only 1/3 of a piece. Well the place we got had the little bitty squares and I ate half a square and was stuck - bad, I spent the next half hour in the bathroom. My biggest problem was that I was really hungry and waned to eat so the moment I thought I was better I would try to eat and it just got bad.
The next day at my grandma's Christmas it was the same I had a small square of breakfast casserole and only ate the egg bottom ( I avoided the cheese and sausage yumminess) and could only eat half of that, meanwhile my counsins and aunts are scarfing down my grandmas gooey delicious homemade cinnimon rolls that I know I absolutely will not be able to manage to eat. Christmas dinner at my other grandparents was the same - I just could not eat anything without being stuck. I am annoyed and hungry by this point. So I down a protein shake and it goes down fine - ahh what a relief nourishment!
So by Saturday I'm thinking I'm too tight, but you know I love that restriction so I do NOT want to get some taken out if it was just a glitch from eating Christmas food and so on and so forth ( I ate all those cookies and was fine) Well it didn;t get much better and by Monday when I was feeling some discomfort after eating a little over half of a 6oz yogurt I had had enough and I called my doctor and scheduled to get some saline taken out. The nutritionist put me on mushies until the unfill. So I got some dinner last night which may have been not so "mushiesk" - tortilla soup (I think that was OK) chicken salad crossient sandwhich ( so I took off the crossient and i would be fine) and I got thes fresh warm cookies (ok so thats not so good but they are really gooey and semi-mushie) Ok so I ate three bites of the chicken salad with half of a crossient the rest was solo and I had two cookies in a span of an hour only eating when I felt no discomfort. I was bad I didn't listen, but I am HUNGRY - I haven't been able to eat and I'm not sure if this is mental or physical hunger but something in my body is just craving that I eat constantly and I am having a hard time battling it.
Well so what's the point of this blogg about a half an hour after I finished eating I was laying down with the bf watching a movie and I got a terrible cramp around the band area, it lasted maybe less than a minute and I felt it twice and then I was fine. But OMG I was/ am freaking out, did I just slip my band? I just had a protein shake and all is fine, but I am worried. I did a little reading and they say when you have slippage you vom everything and its really uncomfortable, so now I feel a little better, but I really need a clear answer for future reference, does anyone know what band slippage feels like???!!!
So I got a fill last Friday (the 18th not Christmas) and it has not settled with me well, At first all was fine, I did the liquids to soft foods and then I felt totally normal, a little bit more restricted, but that's what you get a fill for so I was happy and continuing with life. I went to my grandpas Christmas and could only eat about half a portion of fillet (which I knew was going to be hard I mean its steak) and a few nibble of potatoes and I was done, but all was well and normal. It was Christmas and I waited until after my fill ( and weigh in) to do any Christmas like activities, so we made Christmas cookies, lots and lots of them. And I nibbled on those for about three days and although I felt guilty that all I would eat is refined sugary goodness, I did not get stuck or have any problems.
But then ... I go home for Christmas and things go crazy. First of all my grandpa had surgery to unclog an artery so everyone was too busy to prepare a normal Christmas dinner, so we ordered Pizza which I was excited about even though I knew it was going to be a struggle, I just love Pizza and will try to nibble up some even if its only 1/3 of a piece. Well the place we got had the little bitty squares and I ate half a square and was stuck - bad, I spent the next half hour in the bathroom. My biggest problem was that I was really hungry and waned to eat so the moment I thought I was better I would try to eat and it just got bad.
The next day at my grandma's Christmas it was the same I had a small square of breakfast casserole and only ate the egg bottom ( I avoided the cheese and sausage yumminess) and could only eat half of that, meanwhile my counsins and aunts are scarfing down my grandmas gooey delicious homemade cinnimon rolls that I know I absolutely will not be able to manage to eat. Christmas dinner at my other grandparents was the same - I just could not eat anything without being stuck. I am annoyed and hungry by this point. So I down a protein shake and it goes down fine - ahh what a relief nourishment!
So by Saturday I'm thinking I'm too tight, but you know I love that restriction so I do NOT want to get some taken out if it was just a glitch from eating Christmas food and so on and so forth ( I ate all those cookies and was fine) Well it didn;t get much better and by Monday when I was feeling some discomfort after eating a little over half of a 6oz yogurt I had had enough and I called my doctor and scheduled to get some saline taken out. The nutritionist put me on mushies until the unfill. So I got some dinner last night which may have been not so "mushiesk" - tortilla soup (I think that was OK) chicken salad crossient sandwhich ( so I took off the crossient and i would be fine) and I got thes fresh warm cookies (ok so thats not so good but they are really gooey and semi-mushie) Ok so I ate three bites of the chicken salad with half of a crossient the rest was solo and I had two cookies in a span of an hour only eating when I felt no discomfort. I was bad I didn't listen, but I am HUNGRY - I haven't been able to eat and I'm not sure if this is mental or physical hunger but something in my body is just craving that I eat constantly and I am having a hard time battling it.
Well so what's the point of this blogg about a half an hour after I finished eating I was laying down with the bf watching a movie and I got a terrible cramp around the band area, it lasted maybe less than a minute and I felt it twice and then I was fine. But OMG I was/ am freaking out, did I just slip my band? I just had a protein shake and all is fine, but I am worried. I did a little reading and they say when you have slippage you vom everything and its really uncomfortable, so now I feel a little better, but I really need a clear answer for future reference, does anyone know what band slippage feels like???!!!
Yesterday was a fill day and therefore an official weigh in day. I (as I always do) woke up sipped a little bit of water went to the gym, tried to sweat as much as I could before my appointment, then showered and went to the Appointment. Official weight: 242. So I did not make my goal by two pounds, but that's still 10 lbs in 6 weeks so that is something to be proud of. I'm still cursing finals weeks and all the emotional eating I embrace as if its natural and somehow OK to do because its finals! I really need to work on that especially with the new year coming and my super exciting new goals, which I will tell y'all about later (I thinks its wrong to talk about New Year's resolutions until after Christmas - its kind of like the Christmas stuff before Thanksgiving, strange rules but I stick buy them hopefully they allow me to enjoy the moment instead of worrying about tomorrow).
So here's my philosophical note today: I worked VERY hard for the 10 lb weight loss yet I am kind of mad at myself for not hitting my goal. What is wrong with me, I should be so happy with the 10 lbs and move on and try to do better next time right? WRONG! Oh no I am a perfectionist, I have to have perfect grades, look perfect, complete all my plans perfectly or I get totally bummed. I know I am way too hard on myself sometimes, but I also want to push myself and if there are no repercussions for not obtaining my goals then what, then can I just not even try? There is a small balance between wanting to work hard and meet my goals and beating myself up over 2 lbs, I wish I could say that I can revel in the 10 lbs, but in the back of my head will be thinking about how it was 2 lbs from my goal. When it comes to everyone else I would say revel in your accomplishments because you know eventually that 2 lbs and more will be coming off, you have your whole life to lose this weight and with the band you at least have the hope and the affirmation that IT WILL!
So here's my philosophical note today: I worked VERY hard for the 10 lb weight loss yet I am kind of mad at myself for not hitting my goal. What is wrong with me, I should be so happy with the 10 lbs and move on and try to do better next time right? WRONG! Oh no I am a perfectionist, I have to have perfect grades, look perfect, complete all my plans perfectly or I get totally bummed. I know I am way too hard on myself sometimes, but I also want to push myself and if there are no repercussions for not obtaining my goals then what, then can I just not even try? There is a small balance between wanting to work hard and meet my goals and beating myself up over 2 lbs, I wish I could say that I can revel in the 10 lbs, but in the back of my head will be thinking about how it was 2 lbs from my goal. When it comes to everyone else I would say revel in your accomplishments because you know eventually that 2 lbs and more will be coming off, you have your whole life to lose this weight and with the band you at least have the hope and the affirmation that IT WILL!
So Last few weeks have been rather crazy. First it was finals and I am SPAZ! When it come to school I am a perfectionist and have to study like a mad woman and I never feel prepared and usually do fine, but until I see my grades I am a psycho. Along with being super rushed to cram all that information I spend about a week and a half living in the library which leaves me little to no time for exercise and no available food other than carbolisious fast food. Not to mention I when I am stressed 'bad' food is ever so comforting for me, needless to say I am awfully naughty during midterms and finals. I am aware of it, I wish I could do better and I will work on doing better under pressure but last week was not a case of me working through my weak areas.
It started with my study candy, all I can say is Swedish fish, sour patch kids, and lindorf truffles you are so tasty when I'm weak. It was bad, and throughout the week it spurred on to Reese's cups cookies, cookie dough, and Hershey's kisses. I do have to say in my defense I did throw a lot of it away because I knew this was a path to disaster. Well anyway the toxic combination of those forbidden goodies, little sleep, no exercise, and stress = I gained 5lbs !:( It was sad, but I knew it was coming and I avoided that dreaded scale for a few days before bucking it up and doing it.
It could have been worse, so I do have my lovely band to thank for that . Only thing is I had a goal of 12 lbs lost by my next fill/ weigh in which meant I had 9 pounds to lose in a week and a half. I knew a good portion of that weight was probably bloat from all the bad food so I went a very stringent plan of at least 20 mins to 40 mins of cardio daily along with good eating habits with a tight belt on the carbs and I have been bringing protein shakes with me everywhere just in case. Oh yea and I have told everyone that I have a doctor's appointment on friday and I'm going to be weighed so no going out, no drinking, no snacks at work (and do you know how hard that is during the holidays when people are bringing in christmas cookies and all sorts of goodies), and I had to postpone christmas cookie day at my house with my room mate.
And what do you know its Tuesday and I weighed myself and I am at 242.6! Which means I only have 2.6 more pounds to go before Friday's weigh in. To most that sounds like a lot, but on Friday I weight 249.9 so I am doing oh so good and now I can see me meeting my goal! Wish me luck!
It started with my study candy, all I can say is Swedish fish, sour patch kids, and lindorf truffles you are so tasty when I'm weak. It was bad, and throughout the week it spurred on to Reese's cups cookies, cookie dough, and Hershey's kisses. I do have to say in my defense I did throw a lot of it away because I knew this was a path to disaster. Well anyway the toxic combination of those forbidden goodies, little sleep, no exercise, and stress = I gained 5lbs !:( It was sad, but I knew it was coming and I avoided that dreaded scale for a few days before bucking it up and doing it.
It could have been worse, so I do have my lovely band to thank for that . Only thing is I had a goal of 12 lbs lost by my next fill/ weigh in which meant I had 9 pounds to lose in a week and a half. I knew a good portion of that weight was probably bloat from all the bad food so I went a very stringent plan of at least 20 mins to 40 mins of cardio daily along with good eating habits with a tight belt on the carbs and I have been bringing protein shakes with me everywhere just in case. Oh yea and I have told everyone that I have a doctor's appointment on friday and I'm going to be weighed so no going out, no drinking, no snacks at work (and do you know how hard that is during the holidays when people are bringing in christmas cookies and all sorts of goodies), and I had to postpone christmas cookie day at my house with my room mate.
And what do you know its Tuesday and I weighed myself and I am at 242.6! Which means I only have 2.6 more pounds to go before Friday's weigh in. To most that sounds like a lot, but on Friday I weight 249.9 so I am doing oh so good and now I can see me meeting my goal! Wish me luck!
So its thanksgiving and as a tradition we go to this bar (my family and friends) that everybody in town goes (I am seriously from the sticks) and I do not know what it is about seeing people fom high school that makes me turn into a scared little person but I do. I feel really good about where I am right now I am on trck, but I'm not good enough yet for homecomings. I need to be at 160lbs and hotter than every girl in the room and having every guy that I went to highschool with drooling and wishing they had paid attention to me when I was a shy chubby girl! Well I'm still a chubby girl and as much as I know it won't be the same a year from now it still bothers me that I feel inferior to these people! Am I ever going to cool enough or hot enough? God I hope so and when I'm 160lbs and a bombshell will I feel different?
Just some thoughts about me my weight and my peers, I hated highschool and I hate feeling like I;m still that girl :S
Just some thoughts about me my weight and my peers, I hated highschool and I hate feeling like I;m still that girl :S
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