hi,

So I dissappeared BIG TIME! I know and I'm ashamed, I promise I will never do that again, I tend to abandon things easily, but I've realized that I am not that person I used to be, I am not giving up on my weight loss (which by the way I can't wait to update y'all on), and I'm not going to give up on developing some support and friends and maybe help some others who are having 'bad band moments' as I like to call them. Well so I am now promising at east two bloggs weekly, so give me some feedback so I will feel motivated that people care what I'm saying.

Ok so to pick where I left off, I went for my first fill - I had lost 12lbs! Yea for me I was so excited, even though I didn't feel like I was very restricted at all, I had to be super diligent and what not to lose that weight (Come to find out thats normal and I was paranoid that something was wrong with my band for nothing). So I go into the doctor's office having not eaten anything (which I always do because I want to number to be as big as possible, this may be slightly narotic, but I just can't help myself) And the doc give's me this stuff to check out the band though an ex-ray machine and as he's sticking me BAM I almost pass out - I felt like such a baby, but its kind of funny now.

After the first fill I was expecting this huge change, and that I would be super restricted and lose tons of weight and so on and so forth WRONG! So I found myself eating not so well and excersizing not so much and the weight not coming off (go figure) so I pushed back my fill and after 2 months of not getting a fill I finally realized I just had to do and I went in - 2lbs Wah Wah 2lb! 2lbs! Needless to say I was very upset with myself and I knew I had no one to blame for this but me, I made poor choices and I upset myself, not my band.

So the second fill was better I was more restricted, and I learned what it is like to get food stuck and I am going to be quite honest and say that is not a pleasant experience, in fact if sucks! But I got used to it and ate smaller bites and what not, you adapt and all is well - most of the time. So here's my story, and its gross so I am warning you in advance: I am hungry, its lunch time and I haen't ate for 4 hours, I had class I get out and I am HUNGRY, so I go to Dairy Queen (this was a poor choice anyway, but what can I say you live you learn) I get a hotdog, I thought it was a good choice (even though I bought the foot long, I can't eat a foot long, but whatever old habbits die hard) I take half the bun off very strategic like and such and take two or three very ravenous bites on my way home and by that last bite I knew this was a BIG mistake. the food was coming up and I had no place to put it so it went in the hot dog box and litterally every bite that I had taken was comeing up in globs with wet slimy saliva coming up with it; I was so embarrassed I am stopped at a stop light with people beside me just voming my luch everywheres - I haven't had Dairy Queen or a hotdog since - they just don't taste as good comeing back up.

Ok so also I was planning a cruise to the Bahamas with my roomie and so we were workout fiends and I had a good routine, everything was going very well. I went on the cruise and it was strange, I ate barely anything for breakfast and got sick every single lunch - I would have two bites and be stuck and sadly the bathroom was clear on the other side of the ship, so I had to sprint across the boat to get to a bathroom which was almost never successful sadly, once I vomed in a trash can and one of the staff caught me and looked at me like I was nuts and the second time I ended up salivating all over myself - not hot! But dinner was smooth sailing I could have one dinner roll the entre and dessert and be fine, that little band had a mind of its own, but good news was I ate moderately healthy the whole time, drank a suffient amount every day, didn't work out and still manages to lose half a pound. So at my next appointment I lost 10 pounds!!! Much much better than the measly two from last time.

And now we get to the present. My band is in full effect baby! I have had a hard time getting used to be so restricted and there are times what every meal I have to take breaks or spit up a little, but I'm getting used to it, eating slower and taking smaller bites. I think this will be my last fill for awhile, but most of the time I don't feel full - just filled and then later feel full but in about an hour or two I'm famished so I don't know how much of that is mental and how much is physical, its getting better though. Plus in my experience of going up and down in wieght I have certain places my body likes to stay at, 265 was one of them, which was why it was so hard to loose that weight there I think well now I'm at 252 and trying to get down to another plateau spot which is 245, so I think my body just really thinks I'm starving myself and has the craving brogade marching though my body begging me eat a cookie (or 3) or icecream or some other suger loaded goodie. I'm working very hard to combat that and I have also increased my excersize to make up for it, so I am still aiming for a 12lb loss by next weigh in.

I hope everyone has had a fantastic day and feels they have acheived something!

Beth