So I guess I am just in the mood to be all deep and emotional. I want to thank you all who commented on my post yesterday I love all you beautiful ladies out there! I spoke about my fears, before I was afraid of everything, people and what they thought, going out, going shopping, buying food, - I mean really? But as I said I am no longer feeling that way, in fact I enjoy strolling around now and I notice people like me strolling too ha ha! But, I do have some fear and I would like to take this moment to list them.:
1. What if I stay at 200 pounds and never lose any more?
2. What if I CAN'T make my goal of 160?
3. What if I do make goal and I end up looking like that elephant from Jen's post or the dogs from Amy W's????
4. What if I can't handle the pain, scars, complications of getting the skin removed?
5. What if I gain the weight back
6. What if something happens and I have to get my band remover? Will I be able to keep at a healthy weight?
7. and this is the big one .... What if I live the rest of my life afraid that I will get fat again??
I don't want to live like that, I don't want my weight to be the center of my life for my entire life, I just want to know that everyday I will wake up healthy and at a normal weight, I don't need to look like a super model I just don't want to be afraid forever that I will be back here struggling. Once I am at goal I want to be done, to live life normally and not have the weight of my weight there forever!
So there ya have it my 1 year after banding fears, hopefully some of you veterans can help me understand what comes next!
my ticker
5 comments:
My sweets - take a deep breath - and realize these questions and these emotions...are good and quite possibly are things you've never even let yourself ponder before because you never believed any of this would happen before. Feel the emotions, fight the fears, believe in yourself...cuz hun...every one of us out here does.
Keep on keeping on...and be well, my friend. You are not alone.
I ask myself some of the same questions. Through this banded blog community there's lots of evidence to support the fact that our goals can be met and we can deal with the issues whatever they may be when we're ready. You're doing well and I have no doubt that you'll reach yor goal.
these are huge and important questions, I've pondered them myself. I used this quote in my SOB story, and think it fits here.
..."...I would like to beg you dear Sir, as well as I can, to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer."
Rainer Maria Rilke, 1903
in Letters to a Young Poet
All you can do is take it one day at a time. Work towards your goals, and try not to drive yourself insane along the way! We all have these fears make no doubt about it, but make sure they don't take over your headspace because in my opinion, the quickest way to fail is to keep obsessing about it. Focus on achievements goals and deal with obstacles as they come.
Em :)
I personally think the best way to "not struggle" when you get to goal is to make tiny changes throughout this whole process. Tiny things you feel you can stick w/ the rest of your life w/o sacrificing or struggling or "dieting" oh NO!!! So for example; I switched most white stuff for wheat, I cut out soda. Those were 2 huge things for me that I have stuck to about 80% this whole first year. Those are little things. But I know I can do that and not feel deprived. I too want to get to goal and "just be" and not weigh, and measure, and freak out 24/7. I want to just be content at goal and working out so I can maintain that. But I do hope and believe that the "maintenance phase" will be different and will be easier and more difficult in different ways. So possible, we won't even know how to deal until we get there and we take it 1 day at a time!
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