I am actually NOT dead, just temporarily absent

Hi my name it Beth and I used to be an avid blogger!
I feel like crap for dissappearing :( I have recording SEVERAL vlogs as I promised my Onederland vlog, but I can't get it to upload onto blogger! How do I get it on blogger???!!

So whats up with me. Today I weighed myself - 198.0. It is so surreal to type that 1, I in fact accidentally put in the 2 and its even stranger to have to correct it to a 1! I love it tho. The last two weeks have been kind of like always, there were some highs followed by lows, and I continue to struggle with my sugar issues. Maybe that will be my life, I know that sugar is my weakness and its something that I have to watch and I have use strength to not overindulge. For a long time I have felt like I am cursed with the burden of a sugar addiction. Well guess what, that is Bullshit. Everyone struggles everyday with something. Drug addicts its drugs, alcoholics, alcohol, maybe its anger or people pleasing, but the truth is I am no different than any other person in the world and I need to stop feeling sorry for myself and realize its my weakness, not my lifes burden. I have to watch it, but the fact that I may enjoy a piece of cheese cake more than the average person is not going to ruin me!!!

I have successfully completed two weeks of couch 2 5K!! I am really proud of myself! Today I will be completing day 1 of week three. I know I shouldn't, but as the weeks continue I get more and more nervous that it will become too hard. I hate that voice, I need to shut it up hard, and what better way than to prove to myself that no matter how sore I am, no matter how bad my knees or heels hurt, that I CAN run for that 30 mins. The truth is sometimes I have to force myself on that treadmill, but once I get on there I rock it. So I guess now it is just a matter of time that the voice will become a whisper and then it will dissappear! (Hopefully sooner than later)

I am reading Naturally Skinny, by Bethenny Frankel. I really am enjoying it so far, the book is more like a frame of mind book than a diet book, which is what I need. Lets face it I know how to eat right, I have known it since I started my dieting obsession over a decade ago. What I obviously need is to change how I think about food. I started that journey to a new frame of mind with food when I got my beloved band. But I always feel that there is still quite a bit of room for improvement so this book is an opportunity to not only reevaluate all the things I have been learning and build on that. The book has ten commandments so to speak of being naturally skinny. I am not through the book, but I think I will discuss each commandment individually as I read them.
Commandment #1: Your Diet is a Bank Account
This basically says that you can and should eat what you want, but you need a balance. So if you have alot of carbs for breakfast, lunch should have more protein. Another thing with this concept is that when you have a 'bad meal' you do not ruin your whole day, instead you just say, I had a very decadent meal, so now I need to balance it with a day or two of very healthy meals. This also means you do not feel guilty about eating ANYTHING, maybe your body needs a few extra carbs, litsten to you body!!! But dont go crazy, be smart, be balanced! This is my goal. Instead of going to work and saying oh well I ate a mousse so I am just going to go crazy, I will be balanced. If I want a mini dessert, then I am not going to have a lemonade, and if I am obviously hungry I will eat something, but something balanced. I am also going to be aware that I will be going to work that day, so maybe I should have a lighter day as the night will more than likely be a little indulgent. So theres this weeks food game plan.

I have a doctor's appointment on Friday, I am excited to get an official weigh in! But I know I did not make my 2 pound a week goal (by like 7 pounds right now :S) but I still have lost a significant amount of weight. I am still teetering on whether or not I need an unfil. I am tight. But I do not get sick alot as long as I am careful. But I also feel like I eat too little sometimes and start the sugar cycle because I am too tight. Ooor it could be that I am allowing myself that excuse - I am still not sure. What I do know is that I ABSOLUTELY do NOT need a fill! I am afraid that an unfil will make it even harder for me to lose my last 35 pounds and its already hard as I am getting smaller and smaller, I don't want to make it even more dificult

Well thats all for now, I need to take some pictures and do some update photoes, which I am hoping to do this week, but I am making no promises ha ha

Hope everyone is enjoying their Tuesday!