I have a lovely bunch of coconuts ....

And by coconuts I mean BOOBS!! Yes, I am FINALLY posting my BOOBS blog, seriously this weekend was the most amazing  weekend of my life, you all will never know how much you affected my life!! The entire weekend was insane, full of adventure, and a major lack of sleep balanced out with serious overdoses of caffiene and liquor!!! In fact it has taken me until today to feel fully recovered physically from this weekend! After much time to reflect, I am going to go all sesame street on your asses and say the BOOBS trip was brought to me by the letter I:

IN AWE

I was asolutely in awe from seeing all of these blog stars, these incredible people that I had had the opportunity to voyeristically follow as they went through this weightloss journey. It was honestly like seeing a movie star except I actually cared about you all and was invested in your stories. It was so incredible to see you all in real life, now I know that you are not some cyber figment of my imagination created by some Matrix  style system.

I was in awe of the incredible amount of weight we have lost. 1.5 TONS - that is absolutely i-n-s-a-n-e!!!

I was in awe of the wonderful people you all are in real life. You are all so sweet and loving and supportive. I was in awe of the amazing lives some of you live, you NYC fancy shmancies such as Cathrine and Jen and people like Joey and Sherri who tell amazing stories of their great husbands who love, help, and support them through this process and through life (this is something that I personally strive to have someday so it seems so great to hear it and know there is hope ha ha ). I was in awe of people who were just so comfortable with who they were as people, whether they were at goal or whether they were just getting started.

I was in awe of the organization of our AMAZING coordinators - you worked your asses off and everything came out exquisitely!!!!!

INSPIRED
Seeing all you beautiful women inspired me, inspired me to keep chugging along, and to keep growing. I was inspired by all you biatches (and I mean that in the most lovingly sarcastic way possible ;)  ) who have reached and surpassed goal. I was inspired by those of you who have had to struggle through very slow weight loss and keep going, and from those of you who have lost 100 plus and are still inching your way down.

After I sadly got into my car to leave I was on a BOOBS high, I was so inspired and ready to get back home and get started, I am  on the final stretch to getting to goal and this trip was very much needed for me to realize that I can do it, that I want to do it, and that I am READY truly ready to get to goal and be free from this world of -" I need to lose weight. "

Ya'all better watch out because I am about to become super woman and before you know it I will be at goal and I will look and feel AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!

INCREDIBLE

I have never in my life felt so accepted and loved and appreciated and HOT in al my life as I did this weekend. I have never had more people compliment me and tell me that I was beautiful and smart and sweet and many people kept telling me you don't look like you were ever overweight!! That may be the best compliment EVER as I am now slightly obsessed with my bat wings and keep dreaming about cutting them off. It was crazy to me to see people I have watched via blog world for a year now come up to me and say are you Beth and give me a big hug. Or when Steph said that multiple people wanted to help to make sure I had a place to stay as they all had read my blog and wanted me to be there - that is probably the best compliment ever - to know that people actually pay attention to what I have to say and don't just think I am whiney, well thankyou all for reading my blog and supporting me all these months!! I felt incredible when someone said " so you are the Beth everyone is talking about that is so beautiful" OMG -me???

Which brings me to another point, I guess I need to make a confession, it may be kind of obvious, but prior to our trip I did not think of myself as small, or thin - I didn't think I was big, but I thought of my body as kind of like a decently healthy young mom, you know big, but you can tell popping out a couple of kids widened the hips so I thought I was normal, but on the larger side of normal. It took all of you chicas ( and a size 10 designer dress ) to show me that I am not normal, I am thin, I have my problem areas, which yes I still want to work on, but I am not big, I am slender!! I am not fat anymore - that is something VERY hard for me to grasp as I have had to carry that weight my whole life, I know Beth the fat girl, but I don't know what it is like to not be fat, I have to learn who not fat Beth is. At one point I looked at myself on my excruciating drive home and said, I am not fat anymore - outloud, and I balled, I cried and cried and cried for a solid half hour - so in shock, so amazed, so freaked. I now know that I am not fat or big or chunky, I look good. This is hard for me, I am not sure why, but its hard to say that to myself to be proud of myself. I just keep telling myself it everyday praising how I look and loving every minute of the amazing place I am in right now . Thankyou all so much for lifting that veil from my eyes ladies, not only did you help me to see myself more realistically you lifted a burden off my back to live your life thinking you are fat is hard and self loathing and stressfull I am forever in your gratitude!!!!


I CANNOT wait for our next trip, hope to see you all sooon!!!!!!!