Updates and such

Hey There, Beth Here!

Well, weekends are quite a bit more relaxed than week days so I FINALLY have time to post. I am really behind on blogs (again) but I am honestly not going to let my self catch up very much until this week is over. I  have so frikkin much to do its rediculous. I have a midterm on Tuesday, a big homework assignment on Wednesday for econ, An extra credit assignment that I must do  along with another homework assignment for Spanish, AND another midterm in another Econ class. But once Wednesday is over so is my hell (as far as I think). So I am going to diligently try to get my extra credit and Econ homework assignment done today, so I will only have to study for Midterms (wish my procastinating ass luck on this!)

On the weight front, as I said I am giving myself a free pass until next week is over. I weighed myself yesterday morning and it said 200.0 - REALLY!!??? I mean yeah, I am happy because its a loss and I am back down, but I think my scale is just teasing me, it just cannot say 199.9?? I mean thats all I want to be in ONDERLAND, I know it will be here soon, but geez!

I am trying to be conscious of what I eat and I am, I am concious that I am not eating very good :P! Its not that I am eating alot, it more that what I am eating it pure crap. Yesterday for instance I had a Panda bowl, with steamed white rice and the sweet mandrin chicken (probably about 1/3 of the chicken and only a few bites of rice) and a glass of 2% milk and then 1.5 peices of godiva chocolate cheese cake (this cheese cake is DANGEROUS - I am pretty sure there is crack in it, it is so smooth and rich and chocolatey, my version of heaven) So yeah, I guess if I want to see a 1 infront of my weight, I am going to have to start making bettter choices, I just haven't really wanted to lately.

Which brings up a strange question, that I have never understood and maybe someone will know the answer. I have my whole entire life wanted nothing more than to be little, skinny, beautiful, and healthy, yet I have my whole entire life made terrible eating choices or cannot stick to eating healthfully even though I hate myself afterwards, and I know I am not the only one. Why do we do this to ourselves?? Why if we want so badly to be at goal and know that if we just eat right excersize and follow the rules that it will come off, do we not act like little robots and do until we reach goal??? I wish I had the answer to this, I feel like knowing that would 1) help me reach goal and 2) make me a millionare ; )

So Friday night I went to one of my best friend's going away parties and had copious amounts of sangria and bacardi and danced  all night. I loves it. But anyway, my friend has been telling me that one of her other friends had some sort of WLS also as she lost 30 kilos (um I think that is around 70lbs) since October! But I didn't want to be like,, Hi I had WLS too we should become good friends ha ha!! So anyway, we were drunkies and somehow it came up and we were talking about it, she had bypass and before I know it in the middle of the party we are lifting up our shirts and showing our scars - ha ha! First of all I would have NEVER in my life let showed my belly in public before surgery, so I guess that is a wierd NSV. But the whole thing was very cool and interesting.

Yesterday I did something else that is kind of blowing my mind right now. I as you all know have been feeling pretty frustrated, depressed, anxious, and stressed lately, so I had a free afternoon and decided to give myself a pick me up. And do you know where I went??? Khols! WTF!!??? I remember not long ago going to try on clothes was the worst part of my day, if I had to do it I would wait until the end of the day because I would be so depressed afterwards. So anywhoo, I went to Khols to try on some clothes and see where I am size wise. I go to the juniors section and grap a bunch of shirts and a few bottoms (which is pretty strange for me, as I never used to try on pants and skirts it was just too depressing). I officially wear a medium top, I tried them all on, and they all fit, in the juniors section!!! Wowza. But it gets better. I put on a pair of 13 juniors shorts, and they fit! I put on a 13 pencil skirt, it fits! I put on a juniors 13 Levis jeans, they fit ( a little snug, but no muffin top)! OMG I wear a 13, a 13!!!! I cannot beleive it! So I go to the women's section and pick out a pair of trousers and a pair of jeans in 12's to see what they look like. I will be damned, they fit too!! I cannot beleive it. I am in a size 12, that is 2 sizes smaller than I was when I was 16!!!! I have always thought it would be ideal if I could ever fit in a 12, because I have always just wanted to be normal, and a 12 is the average woman's pants size. I am now average and that to me is amazing!!! And now I am thinking, once I lose this last 40 lbs, I wonder what size I will be??? If I could be under a 10 I think I will pee myself, me?? Beth?? wear a single digit pants size?? No way!! But now I see that maybe it is possible! And that is an acheivement in itself.