Good evening my fine feathered friends,
Look I didn't just check in with hollow promises of being back just to dissapear again for several month... aren't you proud of me????
.... Anyways I have been thinking, very very very hard about why I have been stuck in this rut (which has been going on six months now, OMG, six months of ZERO loss - ahhh), and not the emotion part, I am aware of my pathetic emotional instability, and well that may be a factor, I admit that, I know it, I have even posted about it. The emotional state I have been in may have contributed to the promblem, but lets get real, one thing does not lead to a 15 pound weight gain and 6 month plateau, no there were several factors, and now I think its time I took a looong look into them so that I can be aware of them so the next time some silly boy tells me he doesn't want to date and my drama queen 13 year old has a six month tantrum I can lean on other good habits to at least maintain (and the hope is by the next time that or some other life self created drama comes I will be at goal so maintance is all that is necessary)
1. I went from being focused only on weightloss to being completely focused on my social life. I need to recognize something, I AM NOT GOOD AT BALANCE. I do not know how to balance watching my weight, making good decisions, and going out, having lunches with friends, going out dancing, drinking and being social. I need to find a way to do them both. I really really need to learn that I do not need to drink when I am out with my friends. Itis really a foreign concept to be out at a bar or be around others drinking and I am not. Its not that I am an alcoholic, but I do like to drink and when you are out, its so easy for a friend to buy you a drink and then I am drinking so I just keep ordering more and more until the next thing I know I've had 5 vodka and soda's (ooops). Then there's the pressure I feel - why are you not drinking?? When we are out if I just say Im not drinking its like I just grew a big wart on nose. If I say anything about not drinking because Im watching my weight its even worse, because I "already look good." Then there's food. When I am out with my friends they want to go out to eat, so do I. But I have a hard time with going out. If I get something healthy I will eat about a half a cup of food, then there are the "you are not eating" looks. And sometimes I just want to eat like normal, so I get foods that slide, foods that are not the healthiest. Or they will get a dessert, ohh my biggest weakness I have a really hard time saying no.
2. I got lazy!! I will admit it, it was winter time and I didnt want to go out. So I would miss a training session a week. Iwould just not go to the gym for a few days, then the days became weeks. I don't like the cold, when its cold I don't want to move I just want to cuddle under a blanket in front of the TV with warm cookies from the oven.
3. Food: I am sick of the same foods, I am sick of having to eat protein bars and diet food, I am SICK of being so restricted!!! What has been happening lately is I tell myself I will eat really good (which means the same bland eggs with a little pepper or turkey bacon, and cottage cheese, and salads) and then I just cannot eat them, I will literally cook myself something and look at it, have a few bites and then just throw it away, in 30 mins when Im hungry then Im snacking on candy and cookies and everything that is the opposite of what was planned. Then I have ruined my day so I just eat more junk. Then the next day the leftover junk is there lingering, whispering sweat nothings in my ear I want to choose the good food, but honestly the good food has been so0o0o0o unappetixing lately therefore I start this viscious cycle again!
So there ya have it, I need find a way to go out without blowing my diet, I need to move, and I need to find new foods and not be so darned strict that I swing to the dark side and eat 1,000's of calories more than Ishould in a day ... now time to find a new plan ....