Be who you are and say what you feel because those that care do not matter and those that matter do not care 
Dr. Suess

my ticker

my ticker

Hi all,

So I got a fill last Friday (the 18th not Christmas) and it has not settled with me well, At first all was fine, I did the liquids to soft foods and then I felt totally normal, a little bit more restricted, but that's what you get a fill for so I was happy and continuing with life. I went to my grandpas Christmas and could only eat about half a portion of fillet (which I knew was going to be hard I mean its steak) and a few nibble of potatoes and I was done, but all was well and normal. It was Christmas and I waited until after my fill ( and weigh in) to do any Christmas like activities, so we made Christmas cookies, lots and lots of them. And I nibbled on those for about three days and although I felt guilty that all I would eat is refined sugary goodness, I did not get stuck or have any problems.

But then ... I go home for Christmas and things go crazy. First of all my grandpa had surgery to unclog an artery so everyone was too busy to prepare a normal Christmas dinner, so we ordered Pizza which I was excited about even though I knew it was going to be a struggle, I just love Pizza and will try to nibble up some even if its only 1/3 of a piece. Well the place we got had the little bitty squares and I ate half a square and was stuck - bad, I spent the next half hour in the bathroom. My biggest problem was that I was really hungry and waned to eat so the moment I thought I was better I would try to eat and it just got bad.
The next day at my grandma's Christmas it was the same I had a small square of breakfast casserole and only ate the egg bottom ( I avoided the cheese and sausage yumminess) and could only eat half of that, meanwhile my counsins and aunts are scarfing down my grandmas gooey delicious homemade cinnimon rolls that I know I absolutely will not be able to manage to eat. Christmas dinner at my other grandparents was the same - I just could not eat anything without being stuck. I am annoyed and hungry by this point. So I down a protein shake and it goes down fine - ahh what a relief nourishment!

So by Saturday I'm thinking I'm too tight, but you know I love that restriction so I do NOT want to get some taken out if it was just a glitch from eating Christmas food and so on and so forth ( I ate all those cookies and was fine) Well it didn;t get much better and by Monday when I was feeling some discomfort after eating a little over half of a 6oz yogurt I had had enough and I called my doctor and scheduled to get some saline taken out. The nutritionist put me on mushies until the unfill. So I got some dinner last night which may have been not so "mushiesk" - tortilla soup (I think that was OK) chicken salad crossient sandwhich ( so I took off the crossient and i would be fine) and I got thes fresh warm cookies (ok so thats not so good but they are really gooey and semi-mushie) Ok so I ate three bites of the chicken salad with half of a crossient the rest was solo and I had two cookies in a span of an hour only eating when I felt no discomfort. I was bad I didn't listen, but I am HUNGRY - I haven't been able to eat and I'm not sure if this is mental or physical hunger but something in my body is just craving that I eat constantly and I am having a hard time battling it.

Well so what's the point of this blogg about a half an hour after I finished eating I was laying down with the bf watching a movie and I got a terrible cramp around the band area, it lasted maybe less than a minute and I felt it twice and then I was fine. But OMG I was/ am freaking out, did I just slip my band? I just had a protein shake and all is fine, but I am worried. I did a little reading and they say when you have slippage you vom everything and its really uncomfortable, so now I feel a little better, but I really need a clear answer for future reference, does anyone know what band slippage feels like???!!!

Yesterday was a fill day and therefore an official weigh in day. I (as I always do) woke up sipped a little bit of water went to the gym, tried to sweat as much as I could before my appointment, then showered and went to the Appointment. Official weight: 242. So I did not make my goal by two pounds, but that's still 10 lbs in 6 weeks so that is something to be proud of. I'm still cursing finals weeks and all the emotional eating I embrace as if its natural and somehow OK to do because its finals! I really need to work on that especially with the new year coming and my super exciting new goals, which I will tell y'all about later (I thinks its wrong to talk about New Year's resolutions until after Christmas - its kind of like the Christmas stuff before Thanksgiving, strange rules but I stick buy them hopefully they allow me to enjoy the moment instead of worrying about tomorrow).

So here's my philosophical note today: I worked VERY hard for the 10 lb weight loss yet I am kind of mad at myself for not hitting my goal. What is wrong with me, I should be so happy with the 10 lbs and move on and try to do better next time right? WRONG! Oh no I am a perfectionist, I have to have perfect grades, look perfect, complete all my plans perfectly or I get totally bummed. I know I am way too hard on myself sometimes, but I also want to push myself and if there are no repercussions for not obtaining my goals then what, then can I just not even try? There is a small balance between wanting to work hard and meet my goals and beating myself up over 2 lbs, I wish I could say that I can revel in the 10 lbs, but in the back of my head will be thinking about how it was 2 lbs from my goal. When it comes to everyone else I would say revel in your accomplishments because you know eventually that 2 lbs and more will be coming off, you have your whole life to lose this weight and with the band you at least have the hope and the affirmation that IT WILL!

So Last few weeks have been rather crazy. First it was finals and I am SPAZ! When it come to school I am a perfectionist and have to study like a mad woman and I never feel prepared and usually do fine, but until I see my grades I am a psycho. Along with being super rushed to cram all that information I spend about a week and a half living in the library which leaves me little to no time for exercise and no available food other than carbolisious fast food. Not to mention I when I am stressed 'bad' food is ever so comforting for me, needless to say I am awfully naughty during midterms and finals. I am aware of it, I wish I could do better and I will work on doing better under pressure but last week was not a case of me working through my weak areas.

It started with my study candy, all I can say is Swedish fish, sour patch kids, and lindorf truffles you are so tasty when I'm weak. It was bad, and throughout the week it spurred on to Reese's cups cookies, cookie dough, and Hershey's kisses. I do have to say in my defense I did throw a lot of it away because I knew this was a path to disaster. Well anyway the toxic combination of those forbidden goodies, little sleep, no exercise, and stress = I gained 5lbs !:( It was sad, but I knew it was coming and I avoided that dreaded scale for a few days before bucking it up and doing it.

It could have been worse, so I do have my lovely band to thank for that . Only thing is I had a goal of 12 lbs lost by my next fill/ weigh in which meant I had 9 pounds to lose in a week and a half. I knew a good portion of that weight was probably bloat from all the bad food so I went a very stringent plan of at least 20 mins to 40 mins of cardio daily along with good eating habits with a tight belt on the carbs and I have been bringing protein shakes with me everywhere just in case. Oh yea and I have told everyone that I have a doctor's appointment on friday and I'm going to be weighed so no going out, no drinking, no snacks at work (and do you know how hard that is during the holidays when people are bringing in christmas cookies and all sorts of goodies), and I had to postpone christmas cookie day at my house with my room mate.

And what do you know its Tuesday and I weighed myself and I am at 242.6! Which means I only have 2.6 more pounds to go before Friday's weigh in. To most that sounds like a lot, but on Friday I weight 249.9 so I am doing oh so good and now I can see me meeting my goal! Wish me luck!

So its thanksgiving and as a tradition we go to this bar (my family and friends) that everybody in town goes (I am seriously from the sticks) and I do not know what it is about seeing people fom high school that makes me turn into a scared little person but I do. I feel really good about where I am right now I am on trck, but I'm not good enough yet for homecomings. I need to be at 160lbs and hotter than every girl in the room and having every guy that I went to highschool with drooling and wishing they had paid attention to me when I was a shy chubby girl! Well I'm still a chubby girl and as much as I know it won't be the same a year from now it still bothers me that I feel inferior to these people! Am I ever going to cool enough or hot enough? God I hope so and when I'm 160lbs and a bombshell will I feel different?

Just some thoughts about me my weight and my peers, I hated highschool and I hate feeling like I;m still that girl :S


So its my birthday! I must say it started a bit bumpy, I woke up a half hour late, and nature left me the dandy present of my period cramps and all! I'm just getting over being sick again (has anyone felt that they get sick easier now that they have been banded, because I never EVER get sick and its Nevember and I've already had two annoying colds) and I was late for class. But after that it has been pretty calm, I came home and had lots of birthday wishes, which made me feel really good, because of my weight I have a tendency to seclude myself from social functions and to have that many texts and messages on facebook made me realize that I there are people who care about me.

Things that are different from my birthday last year, I'm losing weight and not gaining it, I feel so much more confident in who I am and I know that I have control over me. Today was like a potentially hurricane Katrina day of eating in my old world, but instead of stuffing myself because I was totally hormonal and old and its my birthday so I can and should celebrate I have had those 'hormonal celebration' foods, but probobly a fourth of what I would have last year. More importantly I am not afraid that when I look at the scale tommorrow morning that I will have gained 4 pounds!

That is one thing that has made my life so much better! There has not been one time even when I have a carb-fest day that I get on the scale and have gained a significant amount of weight. I love knowing that yesterday was a bad eating day and that I will have to make up for it and do better today and work out a little harder and I will continue to lose weight, I am no longer stuck in that yo-yo of completely starving and eating no carbs to binging to gaining weight and feeling awful which makes me binge one more day then try to starve myself which finally leads to me feeling powerless and giving up - that part of my life is over! I am free and I am so optimistic. For my birthday I am giving myself a pair of new work pants because my old ones are getting too big, new panties because my butt is finally small enough to fit into victorias secret larges again, and a pair of 15 jeans that are my goal jeans. I want so hard to fit into these jeans by New Years, but even if it isn't until Febuary that I fit into them I know that once I fit into them they will never be too small for me again - that is one of the most liberating feelings ever for me !

Oh and yesterday I tried on my old size 16s and they fit so yea me, they may be old and stretched a bit but a month ago they didn't go around my hips so I am excited!

Hope you all have a fantastic evening and make good choices!!!


So I dissappeared BIG TIME! I know and I'm ashamed, I promise I will never do that again, I tend to abandon things easily, but I've realized that I am not that person I used to be, I am not giving up on my weight loss (which by the way I can't wait to update y'all on), and I'm not going to give up on developing some support and friends and maybe help some others who are having 'bad band moments' as I like to call them. Well so I am now promising at east two bloggs weekly, so give me some feedback so I will feel motivated that people care what I'm saying.

Ok so to pick where I left off, I went for my first fill - I had lost 12lbs! Yea for me I was so excited, even though I didn't feel like I was very restricted at all, I had to be super diligent and what not to lose that weight (Come to find out thats normal and I was paranoid that something was wrong with my band for nothing). So I go into the doctor's office having not eaten anything (which I always do because I want to number to be as big as possible, this may be slightly narotic, but I just can't help myself) And the doc give's me this stuff to check out the band though an ex-ray machine and as he's sticking me BAM I almost pass out - I felt like such a baby, but its kind of funny now.

After the first fill I was expecting this huge change, and that I would be super restricted and lose tons of weight and so on and so forth WRONG! So I found myself eating not so well and excersizing not so much and the weight not coming off (go figure) so I pushed back my fill and after 2 months of not getting a fill I finally realized I just had to do and I went in - 2lbs Wah Wah 2lb! 2lbs! Needless to say I was very upset with myself and I knew I had no one to blame for this but me, I made poor choices and I upset myself, not my band.

So the second fill was better I was more restricted, and I learned what it is like to get food stuck and I am going to be quite honest and say that is not a pleasant experience, in fact if sucks! But I got used to it and ate smaller bites and what not, you adapt and all is well - most of the time. So here's my story, and its gross so I am warning you in advance: I am hungry, its lunch time and I haen't ate for 4 hours, I had class I get out and I am HUNGRY, so I go to Dairy Queen (this was a poor choice anyway, but what can I say you live you learn) I get a hotdog, I thought it was a good choice (even though I bought the foot long, I can't eat a foot long, but whatever old habbits die hard) I take half the bun off very strategic like and such and take two or three very ravenous bites on my way home and by that last bite I knew this was a BIG mistake. the food was coming up and I had no place to put it so it went in the hot dog box and litterally every bite that I had taken was comeing up in globs with wet slimy saliva coming up with it; I was so embarrassed I am stopped at a stop light with people beside me just voming my luch everywheres - I haven't had Dairy Queen or a hotdog since - they just don't taste as good comeing back up.

Ok so also I was planning a cruise to the Bahamas with my roomie and so we were workout fiends and I had a good routine, everything was going very well. I went on the cruise and it was strange, I ate barely anything for breakfast and got sick every single lunch - I would have two bites and be stuck and sadly the bathroom was clear on the other side of the ship, so I had to sprint across the boat to get to a bathroom which was almost never successful sadly, once I vomed in a trash can and one of the staff caught me and looked at me like I was nuts and the second time I ended up salivating all over myself - not hot! But dinner was smooth sailing I could have one dinner roll the entre and dessert and be fine, that little band had a mind of its own, but good news was I ate moderately healthy the whole time, drank a suffient amount every day, didn't work out and still manages to lose half a pound. So at my next appointment I lost 10 pounds!!! Much much better than the measly two from last time.

And now we get to the present. My band is in full effect baby! I have had a hard time getting used to be so restricted and there are times what every meal I have to take breaks or spit up a little, but I'm getting used to it, eating slower and taking smaller bites. I think this will be my last fill for awhile, but most of the time I don't feel full - just filled and then later feel full but in about an hour or two I'm famished so I don't know how much of that is mental and how much is physical, its getting better though. Plus in my experience of going up and down in wieght I have certain places my body likes to stay at, 265 was one of them, which was why it was so hard to loose that weight there I think well now I'm at 252 and trying to get down to another plateau spot which is 245, so I think my body just really thinks I'm starving myself and has the craving brogade marching though my body begging me eat a cookie (or 3) or icecream or some other suger loaded goodie. I'm working very hard to combat that and I have also increased my excersize to make up for it, so I am still aiming for a 12lb loss by next weigh in.

I hope everyone has had a fantastic day and feels they have acheived something!


I am almost two weeks post op and now I'm getting to the point where I'm sick of pureed foods and I am ready to eat 'normal' food. I do not want hamburgers or french fries, I just want a grilled chicken sandwich or some semblance of regular healthy food. What is the harm in that?? Is there any consequence in eating whole food as long as I chew it up?? Or am I sabotaging myself? Please help!

On another note, I lost 12lbs during my pre op fast and its been almost two weeks and I have only lost 5 lbs is that normal?? I don't want to be hard on myself for not losing enough weight when I am on the right track. Also I have not felt full yet! I do not feel nearly as hungry all the time like the past, and I eat less than half of what I used to, but I never feel full or uncomfortable or anything, I know I haven't had a fill yet so maybe that is normal???

Just wondering and hoping for some of the fenominal insight from my fellow banders!


So I disappeared after my surgery on Monday, but I can explain!!

Sunday: My boyfriend, Rico, and I went to Comfest to hang out before I left for my home, home for the week to recuperate after my surgery. Comfest is like Columbus' version of Woodstock. A bunch of local bands play at the park downtown and everyone goes down to enjoy the music, the carnival food, and the hippie atmosphere. We had alot of fun walking through all the little shops selling tie-dye clothes, tarot card readings, and fun nick-knacks. It was my last day of the pre-sugery fast and boy can I just say it was difficult not getting a lemon-ice or a gyro, but I just got a large cup of diet soda and trudged on! Then Rico surprised me and took me to the movies, which was even more difficult than the carnival food, you never notice how strong and delicious the smell of popcorn is at the movies until you can't have it. But I was smart and I brought my little chocolate fast bar and that satisfied me enough to avoid the delicious beast! Then to top it all off, after the movies Rico and I ran into the grocery store ( a place I had been avoiding all week by the way) so he could pick up some bread and milk. So I see all these foods that I crave and I want and I bought a healthy request soup for after the surgery. Moral of the day, I can and will not give in to temptation, I have the ability to say no and with the proper planning I can find appropriate alternatives to help me avoid foods that are unhealthy!

Monday: Monday was the big day! So I haven't explained that my mom and I were banded together. So I drove to my home, home (if any of you have or are in college you will understand that Columbus is my college home and Sidney is my home,home or the place where my parents live and where I grew up) at like 1:00 AM because I am a severe procrastinator and I had not packed or even washed my clothes before I got hoome at 8:00 Sunday evening. So I got home at about 2:30AM and went to bed, thinking that that way I would be too sleepy to be nervous - so didn't work! We woke up at 6:30AM to drive to Cincinnati where we had our surgery, but the appointment was not until 10:30. So we waited for two and a half hours waiting and it was not fun! I just did not want to think about the surgery, in fact I had avoided thinking about this part the entire time. Finally they take me to the very cold back room and try for about 10 mins to get an IV in me ( I have very tesy veins) and then they ask me all these questions and take me to another room, one second Im moving to the sugery table and then lights out! I wake up groggy and totally out of it and asking about my mom, who went after me and then they are shoving apple juice in my hand and then my mom is rolled beside me and then and then and then. Needless to say I was totally out of it! So out of it that they kept telling me I had to stay awake because I just couldn't. I forced myself to stay awake long enough for them to let me get into the car and then I was asleep again! Which was basically all I did all day long. My mom had visitors, but I slept.

Tuesday: Like I said before I did not even think about the fact that this was a surgery, that they wer cutting me open and mostly that it would hurt! So when it did hurt and when I did not feel like eating anything but pain killers I was a little taken back, because I wasn't prepred. What I really wasn't prepared for was that my mother would be recuperating so much better that I! While I couldn't lay down, couldn't get up, didn't want to eat or move or do anything, my mom was doing really fricken well! I am extremely competetive, so this was very disheartening for me. I mean I'm younger and in better health I thought for sure I would have been at least as good of shape as my mom! But no I was a real baby, crying and hurting and in need of care. I did learn an important lesson - I have to eat! I hdn't ate and my mom sent me take a bath, which was not a pleasant experience and afterwards I almost pasted out for lack of eating, which did not please my mom. But I learned my lesson.

OK so getting caught up from a whole week of being absent is alot of work. My fingers hurt from typing, so lets make this a to be continued blog for later today or tommorrow!

Good morning one and all!

I've decided for today I will give y'all a little background of me, my struggle with weight, why I feel I need banded, and how I got to be on the journey to lap-band.

I cannot remember not being overweight. I have one picture of me at about two or three with a little kid bikini and I think I look normal (to the left), but I have no memory of it only a picture to prove to myself that there was a time in my life when I was normal. When I was five, the summer before I started Kindergarten I was playing and broke my wrist and it grew back crooked, the doctor told my mom that I was going to be a chunky kid/ adult and that no one would ever notice so there would be no point in fixing it. My mom was furious and made him reset my arm, but anyways, I know by the time I was five I was already a bigger child.
I have an older half sister who is six years older than me, she is 5'2 and was about 130lb in high school (a.k.a. she was one of those petite biaches that I will never be), I on the other hand am 5'11 and have always been a head taller than everybody I know. I was about 8 when I could fit into my 14 year old sisters clothes and as a little girl who just wanted to be like my sister I felt very cool, my sister however explained to me that I was huge and that no 8 year should fit into a 14 year old's clothes. My next memory is probably around that time as well, I think I was somewhere around 9 o so when I told my mom I was 140lb and that I was just going to stay that weight as I grew up so I would not be fat. My mom was always dieting and watching what she was eating or 'cheating' with a bag of hershey's nuggets in her lap, so I knew all about dieting and how I probobly needed to go on one, I can even remember my saying Beth, do I have to put you on a diet, meaning she felt bad doing that to a child, but I was overweight.

I come from a small town and all of my family lives there. We are very close, my grandma had four girls, and all together there are 13 grandchildren, 6 of which are boys, so basically we are family of alot of women and we all try to boss each other around and give each other shit for things, but seriously we do love each other, just with a little of that catty girly stuff tucked in there. When I was growing up my mom and my 3 aunts were always hanging out with each other and all the cousins spent a whole lot of time playing with each other. A big thing in my family was 'the diet' my mom and my aunts were always starting a new diet or on a new diet or were getting together to go on walks or bike rides or something. We always were otrying to lose weight and since my mom was always the biggest of the four, she always got the most grief for her weight. Well it didn't take long before I got to join that bandwagon and soon I would here Beth, you shouldn't have icecream or Beth, why don't you have some fruit or carrots, and lets go for a walk. I went for a bike ride once with my aunt and she tried to take me up a huge hill, of which I was physically ready for and when I could not do it I threw a tantrum and was pissed at myself and her and never rode again. (Did I mention I am terribly competetive and it just pissed me off that someone could do something that I couldn't do). So that was the end of me trying to please anyone about my weight, I ate what I wanted and never went with them on family exercize outings and continued to gain wieght.

By the time I was in the 7th grade I was 180lbs. I knew I needed to lose weight, but I would try diets and fail miserably. There was some sort of mischievious need for me to flip off the system that truely enjoyed rebelling against my diet. (I am very much a rebel at heart, I have always done the opposite of what I am told and once I have made my mind up there is no stopping me, even on the most impulsive and disasterous desicions). SO I just got bigger and bigger amd bigger! My dad was a huge basketball star in high school and seeing as how I am a giant had always wanted me to play ball, but I was embarassed because I was big and out of shape, but I dad finally convinced me to join the team when I was in eighth grade. I loved it, it was a great experience and I did find myself in much better shape, but those litte skinny 8th grade girls did not forget that I was a robust 200 lb 5'8 girl who wasin there opions HUGE. I knew it and tried very hard to ignore just as I did every other time someone had been rude to me, until it got really ostentacious. We all made nicknames for each other and mine got to be BB or big beth as I knew but no one would accually say and they tried to lie about it all the time to me, but it was so hurtful to me that I tried to ignore it the entire year. Well soon everyone saw that I was decent basketball player with one minor problem, I am the most clumsy person in the entire state of Ohio. Especially at 14 when I am growing at ridiculous rates and I am not comfortable with it so I hade no balance. I fell the majority of practises and I fell alomost every game. In fact people started coming to watch our games to watch me fall. And with that came this little song "go BB go BB go!" it went and when I would fall or do something good the entire crowd would cheer it and I would get so0o0 embarrassed. All I wanted was to blend I didn't want anyone to look at my big, long fat body and I hated it that everyone knew I was big and that everyone was laughing at me. But in the spirit of me I kept my mouth shut and hurt on the inside trying to convince myself that these girls were in some strange way my friends.

So this continued through my freshmen year and then something fantastic happened. I found atkins and the YMCA. At 16 I was 260lb and could barely fit into my size 20 jeans and I was fed up. So I cut out the carbs like a mad women and the weight just melted off in a year I was down to 215 and felt so good, my fellow teamates no longer called me BB, just B and the older girls were always asking me how do you wieght now and I was really excited. The pic on the left was me at my lowest weight.

Well then I also figured out that boys were now attracted to me and that all the studying in the world was not going to get me and A in algebra 2 and that I needed to have some fun! So I did alot of rebelious fun and Ialso quit basketball because I was not fast and they wer not going to put me in varsitymy junior year and that was embarrassing so I quit! It took about a year, a group of very terrible eaters for friends (McDonald's, Mexican, and Applebees daily) and a job at dairy queen to bring me back to gaining weight. Well then I got a boyfriend and the drama continues, I started fighting with my friends and my boyfriend over who I should be spending my time with and it became a huge stressfull ordeal and the next thing I know I am starting colege at 160lbs again :(

My freshman year of colege was much like high school I fought and fough and fought with my best friends from home and was miserable and ate pizza and icecream from the dorms all the time. By winter quarter I knew I needed to escape so I signed up to study spanish for a quarter in Mexico. I ran away from my friends who I could never please, a boyfriend I didn't trust or love, but needed for validation and my 280lb body. In Mexico the family I stayed with made my meals, three meals a day and thats it, and I started waking up in the moring to go on walk/jogs, and I had no car so I would walk around the city for hours exploring via foot. When I returned I was at 235lb! To the top left is me fall quarter of my sophmore year after Mexico after jumping into mirror lake (if you a OSU fan you will understand if not its this crazy thing we all do in November for Michigan week, you drink, you jump, your freeeeezzzzeee!) I was elated, but all the problems that I left behing me were sadly still there waiting for me at home. I realized very quickly that I needed to seperate myself from all things from my hometown, so I moved early to an apartment near colege and just started working out and working on me. That year I tried very hard to work out and such, bu I just yo-yo between 220 and 250 pounds for most of the year, so by spring quarter I started seeing a personal trainer and again I lost the weight and was down to about 228lb, but then I started dating a man who loves to eat and loves to eat with me and even though I was still seeing my PT I was gaining weight! Th picture on the bottom left is me at spring break in Egpyt before I started seeing the PT. That was absolutely tramatixing for me. So I went into a depression and gave up on weightloss, I just couldn't lose weight obviously I had been trying for so many years and everytime I lost it I gained it right back.

I had decided to study abroad in spain as another runaway session this winter. My very small-town, scared of anything that not USA mother was then frantic trying anything and everything she could to keep me from spending 6 months in spain, she offered to pay my rent for three months, give me money, and then at a dinner meeting we have every few months we were talking about her friends daughter who had had lap-band a few months ago and how well she was doing and then she said I'll help pay for lap-band if you don't go. And she got me, it was like handing me one of those damn apples to Eve I took the bait and chomped right in. I could lose the weight for good and then any new trip I took for the rest of my life and every experience I wouldn't have I would no longer have to feel self-concious about my weight or know that the other person was thinking about how big I was. I was in from that moment on!

So there ya go that is how I made my way to become banded, it was this or spain, both equally adventerous experinces and I know that as much as spain would have been a fantastic experience I would have remembered for a lifetime, this is going to be an experience that will change my life!

Ohh and bty the was its day 5 I have lost 11 pounds on my fast and I have stuck to it to a tee!

OK so I'm back! I work really strange hours during the weekend (I'm a server) and so I have a hard time keeping up with my page on the weekends. And my computer was being worked on. Then I just let my life get in the way of my blog time and the next thing I knew it was Wednesday and I hadn't posted! So here we go, lots to get you all updated with.

So the crazy feasting is over! I felt pretty damn guilty about all my eating. I knew if the doctor and all the nice ladies at the lap-band center knew what I was doing they would be shaking their heads and asking me if this was a very wise choice. Plus I do not want to make this like every other time I have decided to start a diet 'on Monday' and Monday never comes. But eating all that junk helped in a weird way, because by the end of the weekend I was so sick of food I no longer cared what I was eating.

So I am bound and determined to stick to this fast, even though I think its pretty close to cruelty. I have to eat only a fraction of the amount I used to with the same size stomach, only to know that soon I will not physically be able to eat anything! (Now I read this I sound like such a baby!) But anyways I have been writing down, and saying: 'I will stick to my fast, I can stick to my fast, I have control over what I put in my mouth' over and over again. One of the nice ladies at the lap=band center gave me this idea, she said its like I'm learning something new and the best way to do that i to use all your senses. This was a genus idea! I have been doing it especially when I first wake up and when it starts to get a little difficult to stay with the fast.

I am extremely proud to say that this is day three and I have stuck to my fast for all three days! I only have four more days of this and I am very optimistic. I really just want to be able to say I stuck to the fast completely and so I can use that as motivation when I feel week after my band. I mean honestly if I can do this with a regular ravenous stomach I can do anything once I have my band. Day one was actually really easy, I worked in the morning and spent the whole day looking for a new apartment with my friends Kati, so I as well distracted and sick of food from the insane week-end long binge. I also realized what tasted good and what tasted not so good: Oatmeal, apples and cinnamon = good, maple and brown sugar = tasteless mush, shakes: all pretty tasty minus the tropical banana (sadly I ordered 7 portions so I have to eat one of those nasty concoctions every day), Soups: tomato = good, cream of mushroom= interesting/OK. chili = not so much! chai latte = yumo!, and finally the peanut butter chocolate bars are absolutely delicioso! (i'm not sure if thats because everything else is so blah or if they are just really that good haha) Yesterday was a bit harder. I really just want to chew something of substance. The worst part was I worked a night shift, I get most of my cravings at night and being near all that temptation was extremely difficult! Today I feel was better, I have found ways to make alot of the not do tasty foods pretty good. I put seasoning in the cream of mushroom soup, I am going to try to add a little sugar free maple syrup to the oatmeal, and I mized the tomato and chilli soup and added some seasonings and it was damn good! My last meal tonight is the dreaded tropical banana shake, but I'm going to try using a little sugar free flavored water and see if that makes it any better (wish me luck!)

So overall everythings going well, I weighted myself, and I have lost 7 pounds since the last time my doctor weighed me! That is a huge motivator, I want to get weighed in on Monday and amaze the doctors and nurses with my weight loss. I just realized in five days I will be banded, how crazy is that!

Until tommorrow!

P.S. if anyone knows how to add the weightloss measurement stick-thingy that many of you banders have on your page, plz help me out!

I am a Foodaholic

OK, So I know this is so0o0o bad and totally not how I should be approaching my band, but I went to the grocery and bought 'bad food,' I mean food that I never even buy: German chocolate cake mix, rainbow chip icing, twizzlers, golden grahams, cinnamon rolls, toaster strudles, pizza, and a bag of bertolli pasta. So yea, I cannot beleive I am admitting this to you all this, but I its time to fess up and move on. I Am a Foodaholic! I just got to the grocery store and went crazy thinking about all the foods I will no longer have for the next 3 months once I start my fast and I get banded, so its over now and I will enjoy the food I bought and on Monday I'm starting my fast. 
I only have to fast for one week, which makes me very lucky, but I'm still really afraid, I have to stick to this fast, if I cannot do that I shouldn't get banded, I have to do the work. I'm putting alot of pressure on myself in that aspect, but if I can stick to this fast without being banded then I can hold on to that. I will say to myself every time I feel nausiated, every time I want to grap a can of icing, I can say to myself, I can do this because I did it without the band. I want this more than anything in the world, but I need to be dedicated and determined and this week will help me bring these out of me. 
Wish me luck!

Hello One and All! This is my debut as a blogger and I suppose I should give a background on how this all stared. I am getting lap-band surgery on June 29 (less than a week and a half, yea!!) and so therefore I was doing some searching for support groups or blogs or some sort of connection to this community. So I stumbled across Amy's blog and I was inspired! This is my new project, I think this blog will help me get tuned in to me, my feelings, and with the help of you out there perhaps create a legion of supporters around me who will experience my journey with me! 

So I am attempting to set up my page, but I am truly technologically challenged, I cannot even work a blackberry! I haven't attached my printer to my computer for the last year because I do not know how to, its really pathetic in fact. I am 21 years old, I am supposed to be a member of the technology generations, but I must have missed that part of growing up in toe 90's (oops). If anyone has helpful hints I would greatly appreciate them. How do I find more templates and then how do I download it and is there anyway to get more colors on for font and such?? 

Until tomorrow I suppose!