Be who you are and say what you feel because those that care do not matter and those that matter do not care 
Dr. Suess

my ticker

my ticker

Hello all y'all out these in blogger world!

So here's the 'issue' of the day.I've been sick, I had a respiratory infection last week and I'm still trying to get over it and taking antibiotics and the whole deal. Well last night I stayed over at the significant others house and he was complaining about my nose being all clogged and gave me a mucinex (aww he's so kind) well those damn horse pills do not work well with my band. I do not think it has completely dissolved yet, as I can feel pressure. Its annoying and it makes it hard to eat, as I get filled super quick! Maybe this is all in my head, maybe the pill was just there long enough to make my band just a little irritated and I'm just feeling the swolleness, but in my head I have a huge mucinex stuck in my poor little pouch and I would like it to kindly find its way out of there!

Oh and ever since yesterday my eating habits have been not exceptional (AKA I had 2 of those moussey things from work! eek) and so I'm avoiding my scale, as I know he's just going to break my heart!

So lately in the eating department I must say I got it going on, for the most part ( excuse the mid day sugar binge yesterday) I have a good handle on my food, how much I eat, my protein, and of course the H2O factor. Well that is fine and dandy when I am just having a regular day of work and home and studying and being a normal student.
Well I am not one of those students that has the privilege of living off loans or having their parents help them out during school, or having a rich benefactor take care of their needs (although I am definitely looking for one, any takers??) SO I have to work to cover books, living expenses, etc... (AKA vodka tonics!) SO I serve, I love it, its fast paced, you meet alot of fun people, and you make good money. But (and its a big butt, ohh that's a bad pun) there is one thing that is not so good. I cannot control my food environment, and that is where things go crazy. I am lucky in that I work at a stir fry place, so the actual entrees are not at my reach, I'd have to go through the line and pick out my ingredients, which also makes me lucky because I can make sure healthy meals at work this way. But, that doesn't mean that we do not have the real problems at my reach - deserts! We have a cooler in the back with reese's bits, oreo cookie peices, the most delicous brownies, apple pie, we these little mouse things that are to die for and they slide right down like a kid on a slippin slide lined with baby oil! Chocolate mousse, reese's mousse, oreo mousse, and cheese cake ohh la la I died and went to a sugar factory! Well I have to restrain myself or I could eat 1000's of calories at work because I have so much access to these things and I am real good at hiding food (I've been doing it for 10 yrs now). Today, I did OK I had a bit of the cookie bits and one bite of reese's bits! Non of the moussey stuff. Below are picture to the left we have the dredded dessert caddy which I have to take to every table and entice people to buy them, so I have to look at them over and over and over again and tell myself, I don't need to eat these things, they are not that tastey and I will be fine without eating them. in the middle are the yummy bits of candy I was talking about and to the right are the brownies and apple pie, its torture!

I just got home and my roomate has people over, and they have food, so I just had a bowl of doritos, we'll see tomorrow morning if the junk food bites me in the ass!


First of all this morning I had 7 followers and I check my blog this afternoon and I have 27! Welcome to all my newcomers!!!! Thanks Draz!!! I'm starting to feel popular now! And now when I say something relevant or ask for advice there are people to answer me - I'm super excited!!!!

Yesterday was a pretty good day eating wise, except for that afternoon snack of a mango strawberry smoothie, a 3 musketeers bar AND a reese's cup (both cups mind you)! My sweet tooth is like really really bad. I am a sugar addict. Its real pathetic, I'm like a 6 year old, I could just eat candy all day long and be quite content, unfortunately for me I don't have any side effects (except for gaining weight of course) from sugar, I'm telling you Drazil that would be such a gift for me, I'm such a baby, one migraine from sugar and I'd be done, but n0o0o0o! Well any way, I felt bad so after I made a total ass out of myself at my shake it! class (which I love by the way) I jumped on an ellipse for 30 minutes, burned 450 cals and hoped for the best, and I got it! My scale ( I think I'm gonna name it seeing as I definitely relate him to a bad boyfriend) is really trying to butter me up and it said 218.4!!! I did another yippy skippy dance, naked in my bathroom and continued on with my day (I re-clothed myself of course).

I think however its time that I take a little sabbatical from my exercise streak. I have bad knees and foot spurs (you would think I was an old lady) and at Zumba today I was in pain by half way through. By the way thanks Amy for the Zumba suggestion, its so0o0o much fun and it definitely is a work out! Last time I was losing weight my knees started to hurt and I ignored it and it only got worse until I just couldn't really do anything. So I think I need at least a day off, maybe two and some serious stretching action and maybe a little hot tub visit! Or if y'all have any ideas of low impact exercise I am totally up for suggestions!

Well first of all I woke up this morning and my handsome and charming scale wanted to make up, so it gave me a present - 219!!!!!!!!!!! I was tickled, as my mama would say. First I did a little sayonara 220's dance in my kitchen and then on my way to class I was yelling, yelling 'I'm only 5 pounds away from not being obese, 5 lbs!!!! That is amazing, it will also in fact be the lowest I have ever weighed in my adult life! When I was 17 I weighed 215 for about a week and then started the climb up to 285 by the time I was a freshmen in college!

Yesterday I was in my Public Health class, its a class on behavior and health and I love it, it really is interesting and helps me learn alot about myself and methods to take to continue healthy behavior, get to my goal weight and keep it off. So they were talking about childhood obesity and programs implemented in the Columbus area to help fight this terrible phenomena. Then there was a moment when they talked about body image. Body image is probably the worst part of my overweightedness for me. I HATE my body. I feel I have ruined it as I now am COVERED in stripes from stretch marks, I truly could be confused with a zebra, this is no joke. I have no boobs and yet my butt and thighs are gargantuous, I can spend hours pulling and prodding at things I don't like or smoothing my stomach out to see what it would look like had I not ruined it. Its really bad and I have to make a conscious effort not to touch and to look in the mirror and tell myself I AM beautiful just the way I am every time I start the obsessive negative behavior. I have gotten better, but it is a serious issue.

Well, anyhoo the speakers were talking about avoiding negative body image, and one speaker said that she remembered going to the doctor and him rubbing her belly and asking her if she was storing up for winter. Isn't that terrible? Well it made me think, its time I got out all the hurtful things that I remember, a bit of cleansing, as I am not that fat little girl anymore, I am a beautiful, intelligent curvy woman and I am no longer going to be held down by these memories.

1. In kindergarten I broke my wrist and it grew back crooked and the doctor told my mom not to worry because I would be bigger and no would be able to tell the difference - INCOMPETENT ASS HOLE
2. My grandma, with the best intentions would take me clothes shopping because it was so hard to find me clothes. And she would buy me little boys husky's because that was what would fit me.
3. My sister who is 6 years older than me told me that I needed to lose weight because she was embarrassed to tell her friends that I was her sister.
4. My mom would always say to me, do I need to put you on a diet?
5. My aunts would always bombard me and ask me to go work out with them, not my other cousins, just me because I needed it! And one time my took me bike riding up this gigantic hill and I couldn't do it, I was embarrassed and mad and threw a fit, no support, so I never went bike riding with her again.
6. All the times I was told I have a beautiful face, I was not beautiful, because I was fat, but my face was pretty
7. Every time my mom would tell me, ohh thats not going to fit you, or would not even let me try to go to normal clothes stores and we would walk into the plus sized first, or say us big girls do/ need this - I do not like labels
8. In middle school I played basket ball and my nickname was BB ( big beth) everyone pretended it was something else, but I could hear the snickering and mean things said behind my back even though I pretended I didn't hear them, during games they would chant, go BB go BB go, and it was absolutely heart breaking some days.

These moments truly hurt me and many of them I have never told a soul that I knew they were happening or how it made me feel. I feel it may be too late to confront these people, even though I really wish I could grow the balls to walk straight up to my family and friends and tell them they owe me an apology, that would truly give me some relief, but I think I would cry and make it an ordeal and I don't want that. So this will have to suffice for now, I am NOT THAT GIRL ANYMORE, and its time I move past those moments and move on.

Got up this morning and got on that little scale JERK, (he's only a jerk on days like this) and the scale said 221.4, 221.4!! I have been at 221 for over a week now and I AM GETTING ANNOYED! Ever notice that the scale is like an abusive boyfriend, you can't get rid of him, and he is often times rude and doesn't give you what you want, but the moment he shows you the tiniest bit of affection or brings you flowers (aka: your weight goes down), he's the greatest, most amazing man in the world!!! Well that is the relationship I am having with my scale right now, and I'm not liking it.

On a lighter note, I have decided that Monday will be recipe day! I LOVE to cook, especially yummy healthy food, it makes me feel like I am a smart sneaky food spy or something, I make things delicious so I don't even know that its totally guilt free!! So any way this will also kind of force me to make something so I can eat a healthy prepared meal all week and not go for fast food! And today's recipe is (drum-roll please) Lentil and meatball soup!!! It is inspired by my Colombian roommate last year who made a version of this. Its a little, I repeat a little on the hot side, but that just depends on what spices you put in it so you can vary. Also it is super cheap to make! I spent around $15.00 for probably what is about 15 servings for a bander, that's only $1.00 a meal!!!! And there is next to no fat, sodium, or carbs so there ya go - GUILT FREE, but SUPER TASTY. Another side note, this recipe is a reflection of how I cook - I don't measure anything so its just basically season to taste!

1 bag of lentils
1 12 count container of turkey meatballs
2 cans of chili ready tomatoes
1 can of tomatoes with chillies
1 can of chicken broth
low sodium soy sauce
Mrs. Dash Garlic and herb seasoning
Mrs Dash Chipotle seasoning
Mrs Dash fiesta lime seasoning
garlic powder
onion powder
chili powder
yellow onion
green peppers

First take the bag of lentils and soak them in a bowl of water for about an hour (this is imperative, or the bean with be crunchy instead of soft and mushy). While your waiting get out a rock pot and put the cans of tomatoes, chicken broth, and soy sauce in. Then add your seasonings, now this is a situation where ya just season to taste, I usually put alot more of the Mrs. Dash garlic and herb, fiesta lime, and the cumin than anything else but just play around with it. The aroma is fantastic, I was making this last night and it was making me want to eat so bad!! Then youu chop up about half of a yellow onion , I like the pieces to be medium sized, but you can dice them or do big chunky pieces if you want. Then I julienne the peppers, because that makes it easier for them to cook, and they are less likely to be crunchy. Put those in the crock pot along with the turkey meatballs. Once the lentils have sucked up all the water (or most) dump that into the crop pot also. Then Just leave it all to simmer together for a few hours. I did mine last night at 12 and woke this morning at 8 to deliciousness, but I also left it at low heat, if you do it at high heat, it could be done in like 2-3 hours! I hope y'all like it!! Oh yea and here are some pictures of me with my soup this morning, forgive me, I have on NO makeup!!!

So about that 5k ....

Well I was so very nervous and excited for the 5k this morning. As soon as I got home from work last night (12:30AM!!) I changed my clothes for the run and went to bed, oh yeah and set my phone for 7:00 to give myself 2 hours to get ready. Well when I woke up at 9:00 I realized my phone was set for 7PM!!! And I missed it!!!!!!!!!!! I am still sad and grumpy and well bummed because I just wanted to know, whether I would do bad or good, awful or fabulous, I just needed to know where I was so I could see a difference as I keep trying these 5Ks, but I missed that opportunity and I really don't like that.

I still ran today though, I went to the gym and did my 2mins of running 2mins of walking, for 20 minutes, and after that I was zonked so I walked the rest of the way. The goal is that by two weeks from now I can do all 30 minutes no problemo! So I best keep up the running every other day!! I did really really really good today eating wise too! I had 2pcs turkey sausage for breakfast, had a low carb yogurt as a snack, lunch was a little bit of chicken and noodle soup, but it wasn't settling well (this is how I describe I'm stuck/ getting stuck - it works very well with people who don't know about my surgery!!!) so I didn't eat much. Then for dinner I had a protein bar, drank lots of water, and I didn't munch at work!! So I am hoping I will wake up to 219!!! (pray for me y'all). Soon I will take a picture of our desert station at work so y'all can see the torture I must endure at work, there are Reese's cups pieces and Oreo chunks, ice cream, whipped cream, apple pie pieces, pieces of brownies, caramel, fudge, and more!! Its really hard!! But today is one of those days that proves, I don't have to have them, so I'm going to try to hold on to the momentum and control myself at work!!

Have a good night my peeps (there are 5 of you now by the way and It makes me real, real excited)

Blogging Backlash

I have been quite a bit more active in blog world lately and have decided instead of being a silent observer, to participate a little, ya know make comment etc. Well apparently my comments are not always wanted, necessary, or appreciated. And I'm sure I would have learned this and would have a tougher skin about it if I had actually been participating before, so this is my first "butt out, you don't know what your talking about' moment, and I must say I am quite taken aback! So I was reading a blog I follow and she was complaining about being on a plateau and how she's been at a certain weight for a month and blah, blah, blah, ya know the deal we all go on rants at some point about being stuck. Well I was reading and saw she was saying she was eating around 800 calories a day, so I suggested maybe that she was eating too little and her metabolism was slowing down.

Well Apparently that was wrong, and there is no scientific evidence that your body goes into starvation mode and she went on to quote some science magazine or something. All I was doing was delivering the very useful information that MY DOCTOR had given me. Which was drink lots and lots of water, eat SOLID foods (so your metabolism recognizes that you ARE eating and gets revved up) and to EAT because too little was not going to get you to a smaller weight! My doctor has had lap-band surgery and lost all of his weight, and when I follow what he says, the pounds just melt off, so I thought I would be helpful and give some advice - Nope.

She is apparently doing everything right and her body is still not cooperateing. But here's my thing if its just a numbers game and to lose a pound you have to burn 3,500 calories and thats it then explain to me how I could eat thousands of calories on Adkins and still lose weight, or how can it be that I only eat 1,200 calories a day ( deficit for me of 1,000 calories as I am 5'11) and I burn about 400 + calories the 5 times I work out and I am not losing over 3 pounds every single week. Because food / nutrition science, the dieting world is not an exact science and we do not have any solid evidence for alot of things. Everyone's body is different and sometimes you have to do certain things to maintain weight loss, switch things up a bit and IN MY OPINION, if you just think that your body has a golden number of crunching in and results come out then you will see it in results.

OK enough with my rant. I am being a little too sensitive. I just wanted to get it out and now I'm done. I've learned my lesson, butt out unless someone says they want advice because when it comes to something as sensitive as our weights we all seem to be experts, even if we all are overweight and trying to lose it (is it just me or is this ironic?)

Hello out there! ( All 3 of my followers, he he )

So the 220's have been a pesky little marker that I have been burning at for the past month now and I'm beginning to get annoyed. 225 is kind of one of those spot that I my body likes, or my starts to think oh no I'm losing too much weight or something, any hoo my body doesn't want to be 219 or anywhere near it. I wish there was some sort of way to talk, no I's prefer to scream at it, to my body and say HEY I"M NOT STARVING AND I"M NOT GONNA BE ANY TIME SOON SO CAN YOU JUST GIVE IT UP ALREADY! But no0o0o0o it doesn't work that way. I have gotten stuck at the 225 region plenty a time and several months later I am a 260 lb depressed girl - that I know with my special little friend inside me will not be happening, but I still am fed up at being 220 something and I am ready to get to 214, cause guess what then I will not longer be OBESE and that is will be a glorious day indeed!!!

I know alot of it is my fault, I eat way too much sugar, but this week I did really good on the exercise front, so I'm reveling in that. I really need to get through this damn plateau tho because its well, annoying. So what's the plan (if you haven't notice by now I love plans!) I'm gonna work out like I am, maybe add 10 more minutes of cardio in a day. But mostly it's going to be make sure I drink my water, eat my 3 meals and 2 snacks, and cut out the chocolate, peanut butter, ice cream extravaganza that has been going on lately!

I have worked out everyday for the last 5 days!!! (I'm so proud of myself) I decided that I needed to switch things up, so I signed up for the exercise classes at the gym at my school. I have been doing the same routines for a while and quite frankly I don't do as much as I should, so I thought maybe a few classes and having someone else push me would be a good idea. So Monday was a cycle sculpt class, first half sculpting, I'm talking , weights and medicine balls, lunges and squats, the whole sha-bang, and then followed by 40 minutes of a cycling class, talk about getting you arse kicked! The great thing was, about two years ago I took that class and my butt hurt so bad after I couldn't walk for days, not because I was sore from the work out, but from the bike seat! It was horrifying, my butt just didn't fit on that small seat and it ingrained in my butt and I felt like I had a pole stuck up my rear for days - needless to say I never took the class again. So when I finished the class and wasn't feeling like a poker went through me (anally) I was tickled!

Well so the next day I took a class called shake it! It is so much fun, its a dance class, the teacher has alot of fun moves and we do dances to all kinds of popular hip hop music. Our warm up dance was to the Slum dog Millionaire song, and that was really cool, a lot of the moves were like the moves in the dance after the movie ( I love that movie by the way!!!) I'm sure I looked rediculous, as that I have very bad rhythm, but I was too focused on the dance moves to pay attention to either myself or anyone else so my hope is that was the case with everyone else too!!!

Wednesday I went on a light walk with my mom and her friend and daughter, we have all had some sort of weight loss surgery, my mom's friend has gastric bypass several years ago, her daughter had the band about 2 or three and my mom and I got our bands in July so we have a really great connection and are a great source f support for each other.

Yesterday I took a hip-hop aerobics class, not as good as the Shake it class, and it definately showed how uncoordinated I am, but I am having fun and hopefully it will help make me more coordinated!

Today I ran walked for 30 minutes. I upped my running from 2 mins of 4.5 walking and 1 min at 6.3 running, to 2 min of both, its hard and I did all but one interval of which I walked. I am just getting over a respiratory infection so I just felt like I couldn't breath and needed to walk for awhile after 20 minutes of keeping up with the intervals. This makes me really happy! I want to be a runner, you know one of those super frikkin awesome people that wake up in the morning and run 5 miles like its there job, that is one of my dreams! At this rate it may take me about a year to do it, but I will be a runner! I am revving up that goal by starting to run 5ks on the weekends. Here in Columbus, they have alot of 5 ks on the weekends, so I am going to register for a bunch and just try to get better and better each time! My only goal for the first one is to finish it, but I would like to finish it in less than an hour! Wish me luck because I'm NERVOUS.

A Collage of Photoes

So here are some long awaited photoes, and right here I will stop and let you know that I know the spelling is wrong, but if you say it like that( British accent style) it is so much more fun, just try it and you'll understand! Hopefully y'all will notice more of a difference than I do, I know I have obviously lost weight, but since I look at myself and whatever I don't feel like I look all that different.

OK so these are from a week before my surgery, I showed these in one of my first blogs but I figure it would be good to give a starting point. Now looking at it I definitely can tell a difference in my face, which looks oh so chubby.

These next pictures are from I'm going to guess around July, about a month after my surgery, I strategically took the left one from up above which as we all know, and I think NeNe mentioned a few blogs ago, it makes you look much thinner, which is always a plus for anybody! The one on the right is probably a more honest depiction of how I looked, you even get to see the nice little bat wing I have on one of my arms ( they are wore now tho).

These next photoes (ohh it really is so fun, I smile just by thinking it in my head :) are from alittle cruise I took in October, 4 months after surgery. I really hate my arms in the top middle, or even in general, my upper arm fat is hanging on for dear life, its kind of annoying, but slowly its fading. Oh and the bottom left photoe :), first of all I was on a cruise, so I had a cigarette, I don't smoke often, but when I'm drinking and with smokers I do so yea that all I have to say about that, oh yea and my thigh embarrass me, but I am proud to say that I was in public, with those thighs and in a bathing suite, that for me is something to be proud of because I have usually tried to cover or would stay away from areas such as these so kudos for me for that.

Coming up next we have some more recent picture from the beginning of March (7 months in), I bought two new dresses and showed them off to my room mate who took a few shots for me, I don't look very hot seeing as I have no make up on and my hair is a mess, but you can see my body, oh yea and I am sure proud because the gray one is a 14!!!!! I really do look a hot mess seeing as I was obviously due to wash my hair and I have no make up on so I do apologize :) This is strange also because as I look at these pictures ( I'm starting to feel redundant, even if it was so much fun!) my thighs, which by the was I loath, don't look so bad, they even appear to have some tone to them, but in real life they don't look nearly that smooth, really

So now we come to the present, these three pictures are from about two weeks ago, I went to the store and bought a few things, one being the Victoria's Secret Magnificent Bra, and they were not kidding, it is MAGNIFICENT!!!!! I have some itty bittys (if ya know what I mean) so this actually evens my small upper half out with my quite voluptuous hips, thighs, butt region. So yea I took a few pictures of a new dress I bought and I am wearing my new life changing bra.

So yeah, thats what's been up with me, I read every bodies bloggs, I just am realy bad with keeping up with my own, as I have school, work, exercise, a short semblance of a social life, oh yea and I volunteer for a non-profit in the city, but I shall try to be more reliable