Be who you are and say what you feel because those that care do not matter and those that matter do not care 
Dr. Suess

my ticker

my ticker

Sometimes I just smile





OK, well I just tried to embed a video, Just the way you are by Bruno Marz. I'm not sure if it will show up, but hopefully it will. I have deemed this to my theme song, I guess you could say that I have found myself, I am so incredibly HAPPY with me, where I am who I am, how I look, how I feel. I really couldn't ask to be anything different. I am honestly taken aback by this, I never even imagined that I could ever love myself and be comfortable with who I was, there was always a little voice in my head that was telling me that I would ALWAYS feel like I wasn't good enough. Now I realize that this is not true, buuutttt I also realize that this is not a weight issue. I have been small or normal for a while now, and I didn't realize it. And I have always been funny and fun and vivacious, I have always had the potential to be who I am now - the problem was I wouldn't let myself! But pandora's box has been opened (and many of you incredible women may have had a hand in it from your comments and Chicago) and there is no turning back now, I know who I am and I like it, there is no better feeling than that. I can look in the mirror and even if I dont look so good, no makeup or terrible hair, I like who I see, which is so0o much more important than liking what you see. I have done it, and whether I ever reach 160 pounds, it doesn't matter I look and feel perfect right here everything else is just icing on the cake!!

So on to the reason for the title, I have found that now I just smile, there are a myriad of daily activities that I do that just make me smile, I am so proud of myself and I recognize it. So I thought I would go all bullet point style of all the things that now make me smile.

  • When I wake up in the morning and feel my hip bones and ribs
  • When I go to the dresser to find a pair of pants and know that they will all fit
  • When I go into my laundry room and see the Kilamenjaro size mountain of clothes that no longer fit me
  • When I work out with my trainer and look at my thighs and realiz how small they are!!!
  • When I go to class and I see guys checking me out
  • When I walk into a room and know that I am not the biggest girl there - not by a long shot
  • When I look in the mirror and recognize that I am beautiful
  • When I can walk down the street with my head up and see people checking me out
  • When I can walk through campus eating a cup of icecream and not care that people are watching me eat
  • When I go to a party and guys hit on me
  • When I see people I haven't seen in a while and they tell me how great I look
  • When people ask me how much weight I have lost, and I just answer with alot, because saying 100 pounds just feels too boastful
  • Evertime I go to work and someone tells me I look smaller
  • When I can go to a store/ restaurant and just say no to desert
  • When I go and have a desert and feel absolutely NO guilt
  • When I walk walk around the house in just a towel and it completely covers me
  • When I wear heels and my feet dont hurt so bad I want to die within 5 mins
  • When I sit with my legs up together and I see a little space between my thighs
  • Whenever I can!!!!!!!
I am positively certain that I have never been happier in my life and I am certain that things are only going to get better and better!! Its mind blowing that I am who I am right now, considering less than two years ago I felt that life was just a black whole that I was being sucked into. Now this is not to say that I do not have bad days, there are days when I get pissed at myself that I am STILL stuck teeter tottering the 189-191 range, but that, I have learned doesnt matter as much as how I feel - I am not a number! And I wish that everyone of you - no every woman has the chance to feel like this!!!!!!!!

15 comments:

Lap Band Gal said...

Awesome list! You're looking GREAT!

Catherine55 said...

I love this post!! You are just plain beautiful, and I am so glad that you are seeing what the rest of us can all see! :)

Drazil said...

Gorgeous - soooo happy for you!

Jen said...

Holy Hotness BETH!! I love this post, love you and love the fierceness of the last photo. (And the suuuuper pretty 2nd to last photo.) You are beautiful, inside and out!

Liz said...

wow wow wow....Loving that list there Beth. And those photos are great you are so beautiful!!! I look forward to being able to write a list like you just have one day. Well done :)

DiZneDiVa said...

I adore you and absolutely love that you are loving on yourself lately... that sounded dirty, but true. *Maria*-"This one time at BAND Camp..."

Jenny said...

McHottie!

Nicole said...

great post! I totally can relate to your list
You are gorgeous!! have you submitted your application to americas next top model?!?!

Amy W. said...

I love love love that second to last picture! You look fantastic.

tessierose said...

I am so happy for you. You deserve to feel this way about yourself, what an inspiration you are!!!

Cindylew said...

So happy for you that you did this so early in your life. When I think of the decades I wasted when I could have been feeling like you feel now but 20 years ago...wow.
You're gorgeous Beth.

Stephanie said...

You are such an inspiration!!

Tim said...

I am just starting my weightloss journey so it's great to see someone who has done amazing.

Well done!! :)

Joey said...

Lovely. Just lovely.

Sandy Lee said...

You do look amazing so embrace it. I still get a chuckle from Chicago when I kept asking if you were Kristin. I'm sure you thought I was batty. I am so happy you are finding yourself at such a young age. You have so much to celebrate!

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