Be who you are and say what you feel because those that care do not matter and those that matter do not care 
Dr. Suess

my ticker

my ticker

Hey there you sexy biatches!!!

Well its another tuesday, though it feels like Monday and I am sure my whole week is gonna be wapperjawed due to this extended weekend! Today started out good, I had my oatmeal, did 30mins of cardio BEFORE working out with my trainer and then went to whole foods and got a salmon fillet, fruit salad, and sweet potatoe things- it was effing delicious ladies and only 5 bucks, I was very impressed with myself. But i did a little bad thing and got 2 odwalla drinks with the intention of watering them down and drinking them for the next few days, but I um am finishing the last of the 2nd now - I've drank alot of water today though :) And although this is not a good action, its a less bad one: I am stressed for this assignment so I went on a 'study run' with thoughts of cupcakes and speggetti Os dancing through my mind, I went down cookie isle, the bakery, the candy isle, looked at every naughty thing I could and I left with chips and mango salsa, cheese dip, and guac. I didn't eat the guac tho cause Im a guac snob and it was no good!! And oh And I took a good handful of chips out and brought it down stairs! This may not seem like such a good move but 1) compared to my normal assorment of candy bars, ice cream, chips, cheeze-its, and other foods that would make Jillian Micheals smack me across the head that I usually get this was a good step for me!! and 2) I am not one of those people who will eat chips until they are gone, I am that way with Reese's or cookies or anything with sugar, but that bag of chips will easily stay in my panty for a few weeks, so I know I wont be eating bad all week either so that is helpful.

Ok enough of that I actually have something deep and interesting to chat about. I was thinking about this and I had wanted to do a blog about it, but I forgot and today I though about it so now you get to hear it.

A while back I was reading Amy W's blog and she mentioned something about someone telling her not to get too skinny and I asked her if that bothered her and she said no, well she is a stronger woman that I because it bothers the hell out of me. I am at 200 lbs and when I go home my family and friends are always saying "now dont get too skinny!" Ok first of all I AM NOT TOO SKINNY!!! I am still considered overweight by BMI and yes I have a small upperbody, but my let me turn around and you will understand why I still have 40 lbs to lose, I mean seriously its like I am one of those paper people that you can change their buttoms and tops. I wear a medium top and a size 14/16 pants! If I could tell my fat cells to lay off my upperbody I would! I mean I seriously pick up two different types of guys depending on if I am sitting down or standing up. Ok so you got it my apple bottom is more like a squash bottom!

I get upset when people tell me not to lose weight or not to get too skinny not because they say it, but for the same reason I would get annoyed if someone tells me I should lay off the cookies. You see when you grow up being the chubby kid that everyone is trying to 'help' lose weight, your body becomes everyones project. I am so sick of everyone thinking they have a right to my body, because they don't! This is my body, its my job to take care of it and I am the only one who has the right to judge it and decide what it should look like and/ or whether it is too skinny or fat. But for some reason no one understands that. If you want to say I look good that is fine, but determining what I do with my body is no one job. When I saw that even as I was getting smaller people were still there to try and evaluate my bod and decide what I should do with it, I right then had a revelation. I told myself, self you are not a little girl and you have to set your boundaries, you want control over your body, then you will have to take it!

So one day my mother called me and I was talking about what I was doing and eating and how much I was excersizing, etc. And she did it -"well just remember don't get too skinny." And I stopped her and I said, mom you are no longer allowed to say that phrase to me anymore.  I explained that I am the only one in control of my body and unless I start to look like my health is deteriorating, to back off. She was shocked and mad to say the least. The truth is we got into a fight she saying that she is my mom an she can do what she wants. But I stood my ground and said if she said that to me again the conversation we are having will come to an end because I have decided that I get to decide how people talk about my body and I am setting boundaries. She got mad we ended to conversation on bad terms. I called my sister and she said she understood and was proud of me, but that mom is mom. Well, she hasn't said that to me anymore and I even saw her stop one of her friends who was about to say something when I said I had 40 more pounds to lose.

I love my mom dearly and I know people dont mean it in a bad way. I just had to do this for me. I sometimes feel like there is that weak scared little girl inside me who craves accpetance and love and then there is this big powerful protector who has to keep the little girl safe who is starting to come out. By deciding that I get to judge my body and no one else does, I feel like I am going back in time and saving that little girl, I couldn't do it when I was 8, but I can do it now and I may look disrespectful to my older aunts and such, but so is what they have done to me for most of my life.

I feel very free and independent. I have control and no one else. That is an amazing feeling and everyone deserves it!

9 comments:

Jacquie said...

Great post Beth! I feel the same way when people freely throw in their 2 cents about weight/body issues! Thanks for sharing.

Angie said...

Great post. It has been pivotal in my journey for me to take ownership of my body and this weight loss. No one else has a say!

-Grace- said...

This is a wonderful post! I think it's great that you stuck up for yourself. Go Beth!

Nella said...

I know exactly what you mean and have heard the same! Keep on rocking it sista!

amandakiska said...

Amen! This is just like the way we give away our control of when/what/how much to eat to a diet. We are all born knowing when to eat and when to stop, but as we get older, we think we need a diet to tell us these things. The next thing we know, we no longer know when/what/how much to eat. Good job taking back your power!

Janice said...

I have the opposite problem of you with sizing and so does my mom. She wears a size 12 top and size 4 pants. Different body types for everyone. :)

I think a lot of people make the comment, "Don't get too skinny" with people who have lost weight. The associate them with being heavier and it is hard for them to see us in a different/smaller body. People rarely go up to someone who has always been thin/regular and say, "You're looking a little thin, might want to add a few pounds."

You look great and it is good you feel comfortable speaking up for yourself. :)

DiZneDiVa said...

Good for you, standing up for yourself! I hate when people act like know it alls with diet or exercise advise. I can't wait for someone to say... Don't get to skinny, but It will get old real fast. You are in control of your body and all it's ups and downs...You go Girl! *Maria*

Leah said...

Bravo!! That kind of thing annoys me to. Honestly, that's why some people become anorexic because that's the only control they feel they have less (not saying you're going to become anorexic, just making a point ^_^). It's also like, they don't realize how much of their comments make an impact on people. Don't tell someone trying to lose weight negative comments, even if they are with the best intentions. They have a huge impact. I agree, tell them they look great, but don't tell someone don't get too skinny, etc, etc. So anyway, what I'm trying to get at, lol, is GOOD FOR YOU!! You can do this!! BTW, I'm a guac snob too lol! :)

Jess said...

My little sister tell me that all the time! They alway say "well, Jess, don't get too skinny!" All because my 13 yr old sister is at my goal weight right now! LOL I just ignore it and think well I hope I don't get TOO skinny but I will try not to and if I do I can always fix it.

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