Here are yesterdays and todays food diaries
Yesterday
11:30 1 extra dark chocolate bar
skinny cow ice cream sandwich
5:30 salad: grilled cajun chicken
lettuce
red onions
blue cheese
tomatoes
crutons
honey mustard dressing
then at work: four bites of rice 2 white, 2 brown
3 glasses of flavored lemonade ( half water w/ 6 squirts of flavor syrup total)
1 peanutbutter mini dessert
three bited of reese's peanutbutter cup peices
Ok so work is obviously where I suck, and that was a terrible breakfast choice, but I will pat myself on the back for one thing. Today I had a quiz (which didn't go well by the way :S ) and after work I went to UDF to get "supplies" and I walked out with only a SF redbull, no chips, no candy bars - I had had enough sugar!! Wow - I didn't even think that was possible
Today:
9:30 - 1 packet of low sugar apples and cinnamon oatmeal
3:30 - 1/2 protein bar
7:00 - left over salad from yesterday
9:00 - skinny cow ice cream sandwhich with peanutbutter on tob (2 TBS)
1 extra dark chocolate bar with peanutbutter and 2 marshmellows
I went and did a terrible thing of weighing myself at night after eating and got mad so I just went fro the chocolate bar concoction, but then it quickly got stuck and I PB'd it so I would like to take it off, but I cannot and be true to myself
my ticker
So I guess I am just in the mood to be all deep and emotional. I want to thank you all who commented on my post yesterday I love all you beautiful ladies out there! I spoke about my fears, before I was afraid of everything, people and what they thought, going out, going shopping, buying food, - I mean really? But as I said I am no longer feeling that way, in fact I enjoy strolling around now and I notice people like me strolling too ha ha! But, I do have some fear and I would like to take this moment to list them.:
1. What if I stay at 200 pounds and never lose any more?
2. What if I CAN'T make my goal of 160?
3. What if I do make goal and I end up looking like that elephant from Jen's post or the dogs from Amy W's????
4. What if I can't handle the pain, scars, complications of getting the skin removed?
5. What if I gain the weight back
6. What if something happens and I have to get my band remover? Will I be able to keep at a healthy weight?
7. and this is the big one .... What if I live the rest of my life afraid that I will get fat again??
I don't want to live like that, I don't want my weight to be the center of my life for my entire life, I just want to know that everyday I will wake up healthy and at a normal weight, I don't need to look like a super model I just don't want to be afraid forever that I will be back here struggling. Once I am at goal I want to be done, to live life normally and not have the weight of my weight there forever!
So there ya have it my 1 year after banding fears, hopefully some of you veterans can help me understand what comes next!
1. What if I stay at 200 pounds and never lose any more?
2. What if I CAN'T make my goal of 160?
3. What if I do make goal and I end up looking like that elephant from Jen's post or the dogs from Amy W's????
4. What if I can't handle the pain, scars, complications of getting the skin removed?
5. What if I gain the weight back
6. What if something happens and I have to get my band remover? Will I be able to keep at a healthy weight?
7. and this is the big one .... What if I live the rest of my life afraid that I will get fat again??
I don't want to live like that, I don't want my weight to be the center of my life for my entire life, I just want to know that everyday I will wake up healthy and at a normal weight, I don't need to look like a super model I just don't want to be afraid forever that I will be back here struggling. Once I am at goal I want to be done, to live life normally and not have the weight of my weight there forever!
So there ya have it my 1 year after banding fears, hopefully some of you veterans can help me understand what comes next!
Last night I had a dream. I was walking through a field that was full of people I knew from home. Old classmates, friends, family, etc. And as I would pass by each person would look at me and drop their stuff or their jaws and tell me "You look amazing!" and give me so many complements and I got lots of hugs and applauds. It was insane and it felt nice I felt loved and appreciated and even envied by those who I knew. I woke up feeling warm inside, I felt good. I felt like this is what it will feel like when I am at my goal weight.
Today I then realized is my one year bandiversary. How appropriate is that. I am on my way to goal, but really I am in a place that is so much better than a year ago. As much as it was amazing to have all those complements showered on me and to feel loved, I am realizing that those are a bonus. I have, am, and will recieve that love and it will only increase as I continue my journey. But the love and acceptance that has truly changed in the last year is the love and acceptance that I have for myself. I am now comfortable with who I am, and I am starting to be who I want to be for the rest of my life - just as I set out to from the beginning. This I know could not have happened at 285. At 285 I loathed the person I had become, I was depressed and powerless with no hope and no confidence. I truly feel that although in my dream I saw people from my past embracing me and appreciating me, the love I was recieving was from myself ans that love is the most important love one can have.
It was not that long ago that I made a vow to myself. This is a vow that I have never told anyone I know. I told myself that if I was still obese by the time I turned 25 that I was going to travel to India and climb the himalayas and off myself right there on one of those mountains. I wanted to acheive peace there, see something beautiful and then give up, because life for me was not worth living if I had to live it with my weight and my self hatred holding me down. I know this is very dramatic and hearing it I cannot beleive I made this vow to myself, especially after hearing so many of you who had full and happy lives and really loved yourselves at weights and BMI's much higher than mine. But for me I had imprisoned myself in hate and fear for so long that I thought of little more in life but that I was fat and therefore anything good about me was negated. As I have told you all this has sort of been programed into me from the way I was raised and how I felt the world thought and treated me and all other fat people.
I am so thankful for where I am now! I look in the mirror and I smile, I look at the woman in front of me and I not only like what I see I like who I see, which was not the case before. There were so many fears I had and some I have and are developing that deal with my band, but what I do know is that of all the actions I have done in my adult life embarking on this journey and having this surgery is the one thing I would not change or tweek - it has changed my life!
Ok gals, So yesterday was a pretty good eating day - at least what I did eat. Let me know what you think, am I eating too little???? I don't know what I should do about this.
8:15 - 3/4 packet of low sugar apples and cinnamon oatmeal
1:30 - Salad: most of the grilled chicken breast
4 peices of pita
cucmbers
lettuce
avacado, parmesan dressing - its super super yummy!
7:00 - Few bites of subway flat bread chicken salad sandwhich
(Which I do not recommend by the way, it was gross)
glass of 1/2 lemonade 1/2 water - I was at the boys house and he doesn't drink anything but sugary soda and lemonade, so I need to be better prepared
Ok so, I should probably be eating more, but which is worse too much sugar and junk or not enough food??
8:15 - 3/4 packet of low sugar apples and cinnamon oatmeal
1:30 - Salad: most of the grilled chicken breast
4 peices of pita
cucmbers
lettuce
avacado, parmesan dressing - its super super yummy!
7:00 - Few bites of subway flat bread chicken salad sandwhich
(Which I do not recommend by the way, it was gross)
glass of 1/2 lemonade 1/2 water - I was at the boys house and he doesn't drink anything but sugary soda and lemonade, so I need to be better prepared
Ok so, I should probably be eating more, but which is worse too much sugar and junk or not enough food??
Hello my lovely lasses!
Ok, so I saw some progress this week down to 204.6. I don't know what the deal is with this .6 shananogans but whatever its an even 2 lbs so I'll take it. But I must say hearing this craziness about people losing 5 lbs in one week makes me a little frustrated, I can't compete with that amazing stuff. I guess I could be losing more weight, but that means I need to buckle down, work out not only daily but for at least 30mins and you know eat good. But I don't do much of any of that :(
So my hope to see wonderland by my 1 year day seems impossible now. That would mean 1 4.7 lbs in 2 days. I am going to try hard, but if I have only lost 83 or so lbs by my date, I guess that will till be good! It would just be nice. I know that soon, very soon I will get to see that amazing number and well, that is just going to have to be good enough :S
OK, my BYOC commitment was to journal everyday. And I was thinking what better way to pressure myself into eating healthfully than to publish my eating, today was not so good, but after having to show you all, I think I will get better, ha ha hopefully at least.
3/4 of a packet of oatmeal, high protein kind
1 mini desert at work
1 handful of brown rice
2 cone cups of lemonade w/ syrup
chips and salsa and guac
shrimp and grilled veggies with 1 corn tortilla
1/3 xango (its a cheese cake wrapped in fried dough with chocolate and whip cream yummo!)
extra dark chocolate bar
cup of skim milk
Ok so I did it you all know now what a terrible eater I am!!! But tomorrow is a new day and now that I will be telling you all I will eat as good as I can! ha ha
Ok, so I saw some progress this week down to 204.6. I don't know what the deal is with this .6 shananogans but whatever its an even 2 lbs so I'll take it. But I must say hearing this craziness about people losing 5 lbs in one week makes me a little frustrated, I can't compete with that amazing stuff. I guess I could be losing more weight, but that means I need to buckle down, work out not only daily but for at least 30mins and you know eat good. But I don't do much of any of that :(
So my hope to see wonderland by my 1 year day seems impossible now. That would mean 1 4.7 lbs in 2 days. I am going to try hard, but if I have only lost 83 or so lbs by my date, I guess that will till be good! It would just be nice. I know that soon, very soon I will get to see that amazing number and well, that is just going to have to be good enough :S
OK, my BYOC commitment was to journal everyday. And I was thinking what better way to pressure myself into eating healthfully than to publish my eating, today was not so good, but after having to show you all, I think I will get better, ha ha hopefully at least.
3/4 of a packet of oatmeal, high protein kind
1 mini desert at work
1 handful of brown rice
2 cone cups of lemonade w/ syrup
chips and salsa and guac
shrimp and grilled veggies with 1 corn tortilla
1/3 xango (its a cheese cake wrapped in fried dough with chocolate and whip cream yummo!)
extra dark chocolate bar
cup of skim milk
Ok so I did it you all know now what a terrible eater I am!!! But tomorrow is a new day and now that I will be telling you all I will eat as good as I can! ha ha
Hi, my name is Beth and I used to be an avid blogger. But then the world swooped me up and now I am only one of those voyer bloggers who reads everyone else's stuff but never writes her blog. I promise I will get better, new classes, new boy, trying to compete in this summer meltdown, and trying to get to under 200lb by June 29th has left me with little time!!
This comes from my post yesterday about me bragging that I can still wear the same earrings I wore in high school….got me to wondering…how many piercings do you have? (the ones you can tell us about anyway – *wink wink)
I have 2, I used to have 4 and maybe could get some into my other two, but who knows I haven't used them in years. I never have really wanted anything else, but maybe a nose ring, except I don;t know how an adult can have one since every job I would have would require me to take it out and it would close up, plus I am pretty straight laced, so it would feel wierd to have a piercing not on my ear.
2. I’m asking this one because I’m getting another tattoo soon…and even have plans to get one of a lizard – my little Draz – because this blog and you all have become a major part of my life. Anywhoozle – how many tattoos do you have? If you have none and wanted to get one – what would it be?
I have no tatoos. I don't really think I would ever want to have one, they are expensive if you want quality and its permanent, and well I have a problem with commitment. What happens when I am 50 with some faded stretched out ( well I hope not stretched out) daisy on my back and when you go to the pool people see it. Not for me.
3. If you’ve ever suffered from a weight-loss plateau, what’s your best advice to get past it?
First, I have a me day. I cry like a baby and kick my feet like a todler. Then I eat whatever candy and bad foods I want (not much different from every other day, but this time I do it deliberately ha ha). Then I wake up the next day and buckle down.
Also just switching things up helps. You have to shock the system a little so go work out really hard, change what you are eating, like if you always have a protein baar for breakfast have it for dinner and have a normal breakfast. Doing something different usually works.
4. This is a repeat. I liked last week’s challenge for BYOC and I saw a lot of people this week follow through on the promise they made last week. You pick one thing for just one day next week that you want to do….and mentally doing it for the one day can totally jump start more successes. And I feel like I can do anything for just one day.
Ok I think I have been eating terribly, but I don't know. I also think I am not eating enough and may be too tight, or I am being a baby and am so afraid of band restriction and pbing that now as soon as I feel restriction I just stop eating. My goal is to journal - all week. So I can see exactly what I am eating and make sure I'm eating at least 1/2 cup of food at each meal
5. Repeat *make someone a Superstar* question – what's your favorite blog or comment of the week?
I love you all, and as I have been skimming through everybody's stuff so fast I don't really have a favorite for this week. But I do want to thank Maria for my reward. It always feels good to know there are people who actually read your stuff and appreciate you, like I do all of you
I will be keeping in better touch this week, and I will give y'all updates on my hellaciousness that was last week
Lovs Ya
This comes from my post yesterday about me bragging that I can still wear the same earrings I wore in high school….got me to wondering…how many piercings do you have? (the ones you can tell us about anyway – *wink wink)
I have 2, I used to have 4 and maybe could get some into my other two, but who knows I haven't used them in years. I never have really wanted anything else, but maybe a nose ring, except I don;t know how an adult can have one since every job I would have would require me to take it out and it would close up, plus I am pretty straight laced, so it would feel wierd to have a piercing not on my ear.
2. I’m asking this one because I’m getting another tattoo soon…and even have plans to get one of a lizard – my little Draz – because this blog and you all have become a major part of my life. Anywhoozle – how many tattoos do you have? If you have none and wanted to get one – what would it be?
I have no tatoos. I don't really think I would ever want to have one, they are expensive if you want quality and its permanent, and well I have a problem with commitment. What happens when I am 50 with some faded stretched out ( well I hope not stretched out) daisy on my back and when you go to the pool people see it. Not for me.
3. If you’ve ever suffered from a weight-loss plateau, what’s your best advice to get past it?
First, I have a me day. I cry like a baby and kick my feet like a todler. Then I eat whatever candy and bad foods I want (not much different from every other day, but this time I do it deliberately ha ha). Then I wake up the next day and buckle down.
Also just switching things up helps. You have to shock the system a little so go work out really hard, change what you are eating, like if you always have a protein baar for breakfast have it for dinner and have a normal breakfast. Doing something different usually works.
4. This is a repeat. I liked last week’s challenge for BYOC and I saw a lot of people this week follow through on the promise they made last week. You pick one thing for just one day next week that you want to do….and mentally doing it for the one day can totally jump start more successes. And I feel like I can do anything for just one day.
Ok I think I have been eating terribly, but I don't know. I also think I am not eating enough and may be too tight, or I am being a baby and am so afraid of band restriction and pbing that now as soon as I feel restriction I just stop eating. My goal is to journal - all week. So I can see exactly what I am eating and make sure I'm eating at least 1/2 cup of food at each meal
5. Repeat *make someone a Superstar* question – what's your favorite blog or comment of the week?
I love you all, and as I have been skimming through everybody's stuff so fast I don't really have a favorite for this week. But I do want to thank Maria for my reward. It always feels good to know there are people who actually read your stuff and appreciate you, like I do all of you
I will be keeping in better touch this week, and I will give y'all updates on my hellaciousness that was last week
Lovs Ya
Hi all, This will not be my last post for the night I'm sure, I am trying to catch up on your blogs, but unfortunately I am still on Friday!!! ooof its gonna take me awhile, gives me lots to prcrastinate with ha ha. Well I was reading and I saw that a few people were getting awards, and well I turned into a little middle school kid again and thought, I wish someone would like me enough to give me an award and was feeling bad and then I read on and .... I'll be I got one too! So yeah, I am one of the cool kids ha ha! Thanks Maria! (By the way I don't know how to get the names of bloggers highlighted so it goes straight to your blog, so if someone knows how to do that let me know plz) OK OK now for the 7 things no one knows about me:
1: I am fluent in Spanish, yes ladies if I wanted to I could write this blog in spanish, it may not be perfect grammar, but damn close. I can talk, write, speak and I am not scared to use it, I spent my first night of study abroad in Mexico alone (I came before the group) and partied all night with the bartenders (all Mexican) speaking only Spanish and had no issues, I rarely toot my horn but with this one I will!!
2. I have about 4 movies that I watch continuously and I never buy new ones or watch anything else, I don't know why but they are almost like comfort food to me they make me feel better when Im nervous or hurting - its weird I know. They are(in order from the what I watch most) : A Cinderella Story, Sweet Home Alabama, My Big Fat Greek Wedding, and Fools Rush in.
3. I am so0o0o vain. I may be the most vain or self conscious person in the world, every possible chance I can see my reflection I check it, sometimes I like it sometimes I don't but if there is a mirror or a window or hell a water puddle I will check my reflection. When I get caught I feel like an ass.
4. Today I bought a whole package of extra dark chocolate bars and put them in the freezer - that may have been a bad idea! :S
5. I can only wink with one eye. I try really hard to wink with the other, but its useless I cannot do it and when people have me try they think its halarious, I guess I make a crazy face.
6. I reread my posts about 2 times after I have posted them and fix gramatical errors or reword things I don't like
7. I read the entire Harry Potter series in one week and did not go to sleep until I finished the 7th book, it took like a day and a half, but I just had to know what happened. I loved the series but the movies not so much.
Now for who I will be sending my award to hmmmm:
1. CoCo at CurvasPeligrosas -
2. Angie at I am in Repair
3.Nella at Skinny B---H
4.Rini at My Big Fat Life
5.Liz - Lizzle - Libby Lou at Mine & Betty’s LapBaNd JoUrNey! -
6.Camille at Living large in CC
7.Meli at Love Meli Meli
XOXO ... and Like I said this Will NOT be my last blog for the day, I have to catch up with you all and then I will give you all the low down on my life this week!!
1: I am fluent in Spanish, yes ladies if I wanted to I could write this blog in spanish, it may not be perfect grammar, but damn close. I can talk, write, speak and I am not scared to use it, I spent my first night of study abroad in Mexico alone (I came before the group) and partied all night with the bartenders (all Mexican) speaking only Spanish and had no issues, I rarely toot my horn but with this one I will!!
2. I have about 4 movies that I watch continuously and I never buy new ones or watch anything else, I don't know why but they are almost like comfort food to me they make me feel better when Im nervous or hurting - its weird I know. They are(in order from the what I watch most) : A Cinderella Story, Sweet Home Alabama, My Big Fat Greek Wedding, and Fools Rush in.
3. I am so0o0o vain. I may be the most vain or self conscious person in the world, every possible chance I can see my reflection I check it, sometimes I like it sometimes I don't but if there is a mirror or a window or hell a water puddle I will check my reflection. When I get caught I feel like an ass.
4. Today I bought a whole package of extra dark chocolate bars and put them in the freezer - that may have been a bad idea! :S
5. I can only wink with one eye. I try really hard to wink with the other, but its useless I cannot do it and when people have me try they think its halarious, I guess I make a crazy face.
6. I reread my posts about 2 times after I have posted them and fix gramatical errors or reword things I don't like
7. I read the entire Harry Potter series in one week and did not go to sleep until I finished the 7th book, it took like a day and a half, but I just had to know what happened. I loved the series but the movies not so much.
Now for who I will be sending my award to hmmmm:
1. CoCo at CurvasPeligrosas -
2. Angie at I am in Repair
3.Nella at Skinny B---H
4.Rini at My Big Fat Life
5.Liz - Lizzle - Libby Lou at Mine & Betty’s LapBaNd JoUrNey! -
6.Camille at Living large in CC
7.Meli at Love Meli Meli
XOXO ... and Like I said this Will NOT be my last blog for the day, I have to catch up with you all and then I will give you all the low down on my life this week!!
So I am back, finals are over and I have just caught up on all your lovely blogs, I tried to comment on most, but ya know how that goes when you have like 25 blogs to catch up on!
First order of buisness - I am now going to BOOBS!!! I am so excited, I really have been wanting to go, but I have this little rejection issue, so I couldn't bring myself to be all will someone plz be my roomie thing - koodos to all that can, not me. So Liz and I ( and possibly a third) will be going so get ready, I can't waitto meet all you amazing ladies!!
Now that I have Chicago to look forward to I am feeling really motivated, I want to look hot with all you fine ladies as we hit the town!! I am really going to try to be at 180's range by September, that would be amazing!!! Now there is that little thing with the 5k, I am so down, it will be fun to run with a posse for support, and quite honestly I am really competetive and I want to rock this 5K. That means run - not walk it, and make it in around 30 mins. I am going to diligently do the Couch to 5K bit which will last me until August and then I will just work on improving my time!! So that thing zooming through the 5K, well that will be me!!!
As for the Summer challenge - some you out there are AMAZING - 4% in just one week, talk about incredible. I lost 4 lbs exactly! Apparently my body likes to be at something.6, I was 210.6 starting and then 206.6 on sunday. I saw 205 last week, but then I went crazy with finals and had a Reese's cup extravaganza (along with a few of his evil friends, chips, frozen hotchocolates, etc) then my bestie, Ms. period decided to come for a visit and well, now you see I was up by a bit. This does bring me hope that this week will be a big loss tho :) Now I see how tough this competition is going to be, and quite frankly all I have to say it bring it on!! In fact this has lead me to want to go all crazy and try to reach wonderland this week, yes ladies and gentilmen, I will be attempting a wopping 7 lb loss, and you know what if I don't make it I will be fine, but if I do well then that will be quite an accomplishment don't cha think. Here is why I think I can do it, I lost 4 lbs and didn't do much of anything, I didn;t work out (besides making out with the new boy which by the way is rather nice ;) ) I ate like a copious amounts of bad bad food, had some drinks and started my period, so therefore I most definately think that 7 lbs is possible.
Here are my possible obsticles, I am on my period so all I want is chocolate, chocolate, and more chocolate, oh yea and add in a little peanutbutter with a side of icecream! And even worse than that, I am spending the week at my parents. This is where all my bad habits began, this is the place that I walk in the door and my first habit is to open the fridge and scope out the goodies - isn't that terrible. Plus, my family just doesn't understand how to shop for healthy food, I woke up this morning and the only thing to eat was sugary cereal, she had no healthy cerial, no high protein yogurt, I mean nothing that resembles healthy eating. This upsets me because, my mom got banded with me and while she has lost some weight, its not too impressive 40lbs in a year, I don't want to say anything, because this is her journey, but its very hard for me to find food for me in this house. So I have informed her that today we are going to the grocery, I am not going to do this, I am not going to eat crap and feel like crap because I am home visisting, I am going to continue my journey, and hopefully me being here will help her, if not ohh well.
Well, I am now off to the park for a run now, have a good monday!!!
First order of buisness - I am now going to BOOBS!!! I am so excited, I really have been wanting to go, but I have this little rejection issue, so I couldn't bring myself to be all will someone plz be my roomie thing - koodos to all that can, not me. So Liz and I ( and possibly a third) will be going so get ready, I can't waitto meet all you amazing ladies!!
Now that I have Chicago to look forward to I am feeling really motivated, I want to look hot with all you fine ladies as we hit the town!! I am really going to try to be at 180's range by September, that would be amazing!!! Now there is that little thing with the 5k, I am so down, it will be fun to run with a posse for support, and quite honestly I am really competetive and I want to rock this 5K. That means run - not walk it, and make it in around 30 mins. I am going to diligently do the Couch to 5K bit which will last me until August and then I will just work on improving my time!! So that thing zooming through the 5K, well that will be me!!!
As for the Summer challenge - some you out there are AMAZING - 4% in just one week, talk about incredible. I lost 4 lbs exactly! Apparently my body likes to be at something.6, I was 210.6 starting and then 206.6 on sunday. I saw 205 last week, but then I went crazy with finals and had a Reese's cup extravaganza (along with a few of his evil friends, chips, frozen hotchocolates, etc) then my bestie, Ms. period decided to come for a visit and well, now you see I was up by a bit. This does bring me hope that this week will be a big loss tho :) Now I see how tough this competition is going to be, and quite frankly all I have to say it bring it on!! In fact this has lead me to want to go all crazy and try to reach wonderland this week, yes ladies and gentilmen, I will be attempting a wopping 7 lb loss, and you know what if I don't make it I will be fine, but if I do well then that will be quite an accomplishment don't cha think. Here is why I think I can do it, I lost 4 lbs and didn't do much of anything, I didn;t work out (besides making out with the new boy which by the way is rather nice ;) ) I ate like a copious amounts of bad bad food, had some drinks and started my period, so therefore I most definately think that 7 lbs is possible.
Here are my possible obsticles, I am on my period so all I want is chocolate, chocolate, and more chocolate, oh yea and add in a little peanutbutter with a side of icecream! And even worse than that, I am spending the week at my parents. This is where all my bad habits began, this is the place that I walk in the door and my first habit is to open the fridge and scope out the goodies - isn't that terrible. Plus, my family just doesn't understand how to shop for healthy food, I woke up this morning and the only thing to eat was sugary cereal, she had no healthy cerial, no high protein yogurt, I mean nothing that resembles healthy eating. This upsets me because, my mom got banded with me and while she has lost some weight, its not too impressive 40lbs in a year, I don't want to say anything, because this is her journey, but its very hard for me to find food for me in this house. So I have informed her that today we are going to the grocery, I am not going to do this, I am not going to eat crap and feel like crap because I am home visisting, I am going to continue my journey, and hopefully me being here will help her, if not ohh well.
Well, I am now off to the park for a run now, have a good monday!!!
Good day mates!
Ohh, what a very eventful weekend!
Friday, I went downtown with my girlfriends to this new club called Cantina, I love it, it has a hispanic theme to it and they play good reggeatton, salsa, and latino music mixed with pop. Its fun, I invited J, that is what we will call the new boy. He met us out there. He doesn't drink, but he dances so I thought this would be fun, as I love to go out and dance! Wierd thing was tho, he wouldn't touch me, I am not forward, when it comes to dating I absolutely do not make first moves on anything, I'll get to those issues later. Ok, so I was starting to get a little worried after Friday. Oh and when it got hot, we went and sat outside and talked and religion came up,he is Muslim, I don't know if that will be an issue but it definately was making me worried that this no touchy stuff was going to be a long term thing - and I was worried.
Sunday, we met, went to the movies at 12:00 and I will admit that I hadn't eaten yet so I was t-i-g-h-t! And where do we go, Subway (it was right beside the movie theater) so I am trying, trying trying to chew chew chew and by the time I had had 4 bites I could feel the restriction and wanted to stop, but he's watching me, he even commented that I only got a 6'' while he got a foot long, and the 6 year old in front of us was getting a footlong. But I just said, well, I don't eat much and he let it go. But anyway at least the the movie started at 12:25, so we just ran out of time to eat, or so he thought I had been done for 10 mins and was just talking to him trying to pretend that I was more interested in the conversation than eating, when really I was looking around for a bathroom because I feel the sliming creeping up. Sometime shortly I know I am gonna have to tell him!
So we go to the movie ( ohh yeah, he paid for both the movie tickets and the lunch and coffee after, so my little worry about breakfast was for nothing :) ) We sit beside each other, but every time my arm grazes his, he kind of moves his arm away - and I'm thinking, ohh no this is not just a one night thing. We leave the movies walk over to Tim Horton's and have coffees and talk for like 2 hours, it was great. He is so complimentary! He tells me I'm beautiful ALL the time and is so funny and interesting - oh and that accent! Well we walk back to our cars and go our seperate ways, no hug, no nothing. Here's my problem, he's so hot, he so charming, he's so amazing that all I want to do is kiss him, so for him to not make the move well, it was driving me bonkers!!!
So bonkers that I called one of my besties who is Muslim and was like what the fuck, I really like him and all I've already told you above. I told her I like but I cannot be in a relationship with someone and not be physical, I just can't. I'm not saying I want to get naked with the man ( at least not right away ;) ) but at least cuddling and kissing, I must know!! Her answer was that she doubted that he was that conservative especially since he had had other girlfreinds and he was just taking things slow.
So then we are exchanging texts and he says how he really likes me because I am different from the other American girls he's dated. I asked how so and here's his answer: all the other girls try to sleep with me on the first date. And I thought, well here is my way to inch into this conversation. So I asked him how he felt and stuff and I told him I don't want to rush things but I do want to be physical. And he just said he didn't want to move too fast for me, but that he kisses and cuddles, and does EVERYTHING else ( score!!).
Eventually, at 2:30 I message him about how I am sick of studying and I go over to his apartment to hang out - let me clear something up I made it specifically clear that I was not going to be sleeping with him ANYTIME soon and I texted a friend the address in case I disappeared! So I get there at three we watch part of a movie and I am fallinf asleep, he takes me to his bed and he sleeps on the couch! He really is such a gentilman.
At 7 when I wake up he jumps in the bed and talks about how his back hurts and teases me that its my fault. We joke and play and he tries to teach me some French with the early bright sun peaking through the blinds and the birds chirping - it was a perfect scene if you ask me! Bt 8 he is holding me and we are cuddling and my head is on his shoulder - it was so nice. He keeps catching me looking at his lips and laughs, but doesn't say why even though I know he just caught me thinking about kissing him. And finally as my alarm went off at 9:00 he started kissing me, like he waited and teased me for 2 hours on purpose - in fact he did and he told me so later! It was good, it was nice and so all the touching and kissing problems are now no mas, except for the fact that he keeps teasing me about how his 'background' doesn't stop him from doing this or that or whatever.
Ohh, what a very eventful weekend!
Friday, I went downtown with my girlfriends to this new club called Cantina, I love it, it has a hispanic theme to it and they play good reggeatton, salsa, and latino music mixed with pop. Its fun, I invited J, that is what we will call the new boy. He met us out there. He doesn't drink, but he dances so I thought this would be fun, as I love to go out and dance! Wierd thing was tho, he wouldn't touch me, I am not forward, when it comes to dating I absolutely do not make first moves on anything, I'll get to those issues later. Ok, so I was starting to get a little worried after Friday. Oh and when it got hot, we went and sat outside and talked and religion came up,he is Muslim, I don't know if that will be an issue but it definately was making me worried that this no touchy stuff was going to be a long term thing - and I was worried.
Sunday, we met, went to the movies at 12:00 and I will admit that I hadn't eaten yet so I was t-i-g-h-t! And where do we go, Subway (it was right beside the movie theater) so I am trying, trying trying to chew chew chew and by the time I had had 4 bites I could feel the restriction and wanted to stop, but he's watching me, he even commented that I only got a 6'' while he got a foot long, and the 6 year old in front of us was getting a footlong. But I just said, well, I don't eat much and he let it go. But anyway at least the the movie started at 12:25, so we just ran out of time to eat, or so he thought I had been done for 10 mins and was just talking to him trying to pretend that I was more interested in the conversation than eating, when really I was looking around for a bathroom because I feel the sliming creeping up. Sometime shortly I know I am gonna have to tell him!
So we go to the movie ( ohh yeah, he paid for both the movie tickets and the lunch and coffee after, so my little worry about breakfast was for nothing :) ) We sit beside each other, but every time my arm grazes his, he kind of moves his arm away - and I'm thinking, ohh no this is not just a one night thing. We leave the movies walk over to Tim Horton's and have coffees and talk for like 2 hours, it was great. He is so complimentary! He tells me I'm beautiful ALL the time and is so funny and interesting - oh and that accent! Well we walk back to our cars and go our seperate ways, no hug, no nothing. Here's my problem, he's so hot, he so charming, he's so amazing that all I want to do is kiss him, so for him to not make the move well, it was driving me bonkers!!!
So bonkers that I called one of my besties who is Muslim and was like what the fuck, I really like him and all I've already told you above. I told her I like but I cannot be in a relationship with someone and not be physical, I just can't. I'm not saying I want to get naked with the man ( at least not right away ;) ) but at least cuddling and kissing, I must know!! Her answer was that she doubted that he was that conservative especially since he had had other girlfreinds and he was just taking things slow.
So then we are exchanging texts and he says how he really likes me because I am different from the other American girls he's dated. I asked how so and here's his answer: all the other girls try to sleep with me on the first date. And I thought, well here is my way to inch into this conversation. So I asked him how he felt and stuff and I told him I don't want to rush things but I do want to be physical. And he just said he didn't want to move too fast for me, but that he kisses and cuddles, and does EVERYTHING else ( score!!).
Eventually, at 2:30 I message him about how I am sick of studying and I go over to his apartment to hang out - let me clear something up I made it specifically clear that I was not going to be sleeping with him ANYTIME soon and I texted a friend the address in case I disappeared! So I get there at three we watch part of a movie and I am fallinf asleep, he takes me to his bed and he sleeps on the couch! He really is such a gentilman.
At 7 when I wake up he jumps in the bed and talks about how his back hurts and teases me that its my fault. We joke and play and he tries to teach me some French with the early bright sun peaking through the blinds and the birds chirping - it was a perfect scene if you ask me! Bt 8 he is holding me and we are cuddling and my head is on his shoulder - it was so nice. He keeps catching me looking at his lips and laughs, but doesn't say why even though I know he just caught me thinking about kissing him. And finally as my alarm went off at 9:00 he started kissing me, like he waited and teased me for 2 hours on purpose - in fact he did and he told me so later! It was good, it was nice and so all the touching and kissing problems are now no mas, except for the fact that he keeps teasing me about how his 'background' doesn't stop him from doing this or that or whatever.
My favorite part was when we sat on the couch and cuddled while I studied for my exam, I read while he put his hands through my hair and carressed my hands and was just so sweet! I really really like the guy. Oh so you can get a visual of the hottness, here's a pic of us from this morning. Le prince charmant et moi
Well, he's so very hansome, at least I think so! Even is we both have next to no sleep! There's plenty more I can update you all on later, but for now I should be writing a paper and my hands hurt from typing so much!!!
Today has been stellar so far!
I went on the date, although I was really thinking about running away the whole trip there. But this is what resulted in me going to breakfast. There is a scene from this last season on the biggest loser which Ashley turns to her mom and says, "What if I get in there and I can't do it?" and her mom answers, "but what if you get in there and you can?" That is my new theory on life, fear will not control me! I am not going to avoid something that could be disasterous because I am afraid of that, because it could be a really good time. I could meet the man of my dreams, I could change my life, I could find a whole source of power and possiblity that I would never even known I had missed! I am tired of letting fear control me, fear of being skinny, fear of being fat, of being rejected, denied, unwanted, not good enough. I will no longer give up, avoid, or not do things just because I am scared, no one should live like that!!
My morning started out super early for me, 7 AM, I do not know how you moms and people with gown up jobs do this, the birds aren't even up at 7, I swear. So I did the standard ritual of going upstairs, getting naked,, and pow! The scale gods loved me - 209!! Thanks, band, and the wonderful run I had yesterday! I am 10 pounds from wonderland, andI know with my competitive mind and that summer meltdown challenge I will be saying au revior to the 200's and never looking back!!! I cannot wait, I have never been this weight and I definitely never have been under 200 lbs, its a dream of mine that I have had for a really long time and I can see it right around the corner - wow!!
Ok, Ok, I know you all are like enough already how did the date go??
So I got there early, drove by and then decided I had to be a little late, you know you make the guy wait a bit. But as I drive by I saw this guy get out and I thought, if thats him, this is good. Guess what, it was! I get there 10 mins late, he has already got his breakfast, he says, he thought I stood him up :S. I paid for my danish and tea, its whatever, I don't mind paying for my own stuff, it makes things more low key, I mean we met for breakfast. And we sit down, he is so hot!!! He is 6'0, so just barely, but taller than me. He has this cute french I guess accent, he has dark brown hair, dark complected, and golden brown eyes, He's wider with nice arms - I seriously cannot ask for anything more. He is so nice and charming. He talked about his work, school, how he got to the states, and I loved it, it takes me awhile to warm up to people so I'm glad he talked so it wasn't awkward! I just wanted to listen and stare at his beautiful eyes and full lips - oh lord I sound like a harlequine romance novel! But he's seriously so interesting. He was a month from getting a law degree in Morocco and left because his US visa was going to expire, and when he went back on vacation a few years ago they said he would have to redo his whole degree, 2.5 years down the drain. He speaks fluent French, and his English is very good, and he speaks Arabic. I think languages are so sexy, so the more you can speak the better!! He told me he lived in Paris for ten years. He's funny, stylish, and interesting! He did comment that he talked so much and that I didn't say to much, I know it takes me awhile to warm up to new people, so I hope he doesn't get too harsh on me for that. We ended the uh, I don't know what to call it, and he said we should do it again, and that he would text me. No hug, no kiss, I wanted to at least give him a nice hug(it was 11 AM) but I also didn't want to push things.
So this afternoon he was on messenger and we eventually decided to hang out Sunday afternoon, so there ya go, date number two is planned! I am interested to see what will happen.
XOXO to all my lovlies
I went on the date, although I was really thinking about running away the whole trip there. But this is what resulted in me going to breakfast. There is a scene from this last season on the biggest loser which Ashley turns to her mom and says, "What if I get in there and I can't do it?" and her mom answers, "but what if you get in there and you can?" That is my new theory on life, fear will not control me! I am not going to avoid something that could be disasterous because I am afraid of that, because it could be a really good time. I could meet the man of my dreams, I could change my life, I could find a whole source of power and possiblity that I would never even known I had missed! I am tired of letting fear control me, fear of being skinny, fear of being fat, of being rejected, denied, unwanted, not good enough. I will no longer give up, avoid, or not do things just because I am scared, no one should live like that!!
My morning started out super early for me, 7 AM, I do not know how you moms and people with gown up jobs do this, the birds aren't even up at 7, I swear. So I did the standard ritual of going upstairs, getting naked,, and pow! The scale gods loved me - 209!! Thanks, band, and the wonderful run I had yesterday! I am 10 pounds from wonderland, andI know with my competitive mind and that summer meltdown challenge I will be saying au revior to the 200's and never looking back!!! I cannot wait, I have never been this weight and I definitely never have been under 200 lbs, its a dream of mine that I have had for a really long time and I can see it right around the corner - wow!!
Ok, Ok, I know you all are like enough already how did the date go??
So I got there early, drove by and then decided I had to be a little late, you know you make the guy wait a bit. But as I drive by I saw this guy get out and I thought, if thats him, this is good. Guess what, it was! I get there 10 mins late, he has already got his breakfast, he says, he thought I stood him up :S. I paid for my danish and tea, its whatever, I don't mind paying for my own stuff, it makes things more low key, I mean we met for breakfast. And we sit down, he is so hot!!! He is 6'0, so just barely, but taller than me. He has this cute french I guess accent, he has dark brown hair, dark complected, and golden brown eyes, He's wider with nice arms - I seriously cannot ask for anything more. He is so nice and charming. He talked about his work, school, how he got to the states, and I loved it, it takes me awhile to warm up to people so I'm glad he talked so it wasn't awkward! I just wanted to listen and stare at his beautiful eyes and full lips - oh lord I sound like a harlequine romance novel! But he's seriously so interesting. He was a month from getting a law degree in Morocco and left because his US visa was going to expire, and when he went back on vacation a few years ago they said he would have to redo his whole degree, 2.5 years down the drain. He speaks fluent French, and his English is very good, and he speaks Arabic. I think languages are so sexy, so the more you can speak the better!! He told me he lived in Paris for ten years. He's funny, stylish, and interesting! He did comment that he talked so much and that I didn't say to much, I know it takes me awhile to warm up to new people, so I hope he doesn't get too harsh on me for that. We ended the uh, I don't know what to call it, and he said we should do it again, and that he would text me. No hug, no kiss, I wanted to at least give him a nice hug(it was 11 AM) but I also didn't want to push things.
So this afternoon he was on messenger and we eventually decided to hang out Sunday afternoon, so there ya go, date number two is planned! I am interested to see what will happen.
XOXO to all my lovlies
Hello one and all. I would just like to say thankyou to all you supportive amazing blogsters out there who commented on my pictures from the last post, you lift me up so much and you are why I know no matter where I am I always have a family of people to love and support me and not judge me ( well maybe judge me, but in a loving and contructive critism sort of way) - tear. Also I don't know why I don't know how but somehow over the last few days I have become one popular girl, I now have 50 followers - so hello out there to all you newbees wellcome to my rediculous world! Oh and I am working on adding all of you guys too, but sometimes I'm a slacker especially with finals underway, if you leave me a comment I am much more likely to add you ;)
So this is completely non band related, but guess what my world does not revolve around weightloss - wow that may be a new NSV!! Ok well I haven't told you all about this because well, for me its a little embarassing, I feel like a bit of wierdo. On Monday I was procrastinating writing my essay for class (not surprisingly that is what I am doing again right now ha ha) and so I just for fun signed up for this free online 'connecting' site which basically is an online dating site. I was just playing around looking through profiles and started winking at guys I thought were hot, I figured what can it hurt, ya know. Well eventually I started chatting with this guy and he didn't seem like a total loser or weirdo and after about two hours of IMing I decided I would go on a lunch date with him. Is that a bad idea??
Ok here's what I know about him, he is 24, he has a job, he goes to school for his associates in computer science. He used to be a kickboxer (aka he's wider which me likes very much). He is from Morocco, he speakes three languages, english, french, and arabic. He lives in a nice part of the city and we have several common interests socially, although he doesn't seem to like nightlife quite like this dancing queen does (what can I say, I like ta boogie). From his pictures he's pretty cute, he's taller than me (you have no idea how much of a plus that is!!) dark haired and darker complection. I know - what is the worse that can happen, I have a bad date. I have to get my feet wet sometime right.
Another issue: we are going to a french bistro for breakfast. I am so busy it was really the only time I could do it. So during the time of day when I am tightest, I am going to have to try to eat bread! What am I thinking, I am going to vom all over the table and he is going to run for dear life!
Or what if he takes one look at me and runs for dear life? I used pictures that are truly me, the one from a few blogs ago of me in my jeans and the green top and the one of me looking down in the black speckled target dress. But who know what if he doesn't like what he sees? Also what do I wear? I am planning to wear the coral dress from the target pics. Is that casual enough for the moring, I don't want to look too dressed up, I don't want to look too desperate. Ohh this is obviously stressful for me, I am so bad at dating.
OK well, let me know what you think, do I go on this date or cancel and if I do what are your thoughts on all the craziness I just unloaded?? Love ya ladies
So this is completely non band related, but guess what my world does not revolve around weightloss - wow that may be a new NSV!! Ok well I haven't told you all about this because well, for me its a little embarassing, I feel like a bit of wierdo. On Monday I was procrastinating writing my essay for class (not surprisingly that is what I am doing again right now ha ha) and so I just for fun signed up for this free online 'connecting' site which basically is an online dating site. I was just playing around looking through profiles and started winking at guys I thought were hot, I figured what can it hurt, ya know. Well eventually I started chatting with this guy and he didn't seem like a total loser or weirdo and after about two hours of IMing I decided I would go on a lunch date with him. Is that a bad idea??
Ok here's what I know about him, he is 24, he has a job, he goes to school for his associates in computer science. He used to be a kickboxer (aka he's wider which me likes very much). He is from Morocco, he speakes three languages, english, french, and arabic. He lives in a nice part of the city and we have several common interests socially, although he doesn't seem to like nightlife quite like this dancing queen does (what can I say, I like ta boogie). From his pictures he's pretty cute, he's taller than me (you have no idea how much of a plus that is!!) dark haired and darker complection. I know - what is the worse that can happen, I have a bad date. I have to get my feet wet sometime right.
Another issue: we are going to a french bistro for breakfast. I am so busy it was really the only time I could do it. So during the time of day when I am tightest, I am going to have to try to eat bread! What am I thinking, I am going to vom all over the table and he is going to run for dear life!
Or what if he takes one look at me and runs for dear life? I used pictures that are truly me, the one from a few blogs ago of me in my jeans and the green top and the one of me looking down in the black speckled target dress. But who know what if he doesn't like what he sees? Also what do I wear? I am planning to wear the coral dress from the target pics. Is that casual enough for the moring, I don't want to look too dressed up, I don't want to look too desperate. Ohh this is obviously stressful for me, I am so bad at dating.
OK well, let me know what you think, do I go on this date or cancel and if I do what are your thoughts on all the craziness I just unloaded?? Love ya ladies
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